This was so abhorrent, I’ll just link to my Amazon Review:

First, I’ll put it succinctly:

WORST. TOILET PAPER. EVER.

Now, if you’re still reading, fine, I will expand that by saying, this totally usurps my previous “worst toilet paper ever!” review, which was Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight boxed set that I bought the woman I was happily married to for a short time. One star is too much for it! I’d give it NEGATIVE ONE BILLION STARS because it chaffed my ass worse than the John Wayne, “True Grit” toilet paper that I bought back in the 70’s.

For now, thanks to this product and the very stiffness of the paper, I have a multicolored hemorrhoid the size of large marble which requires hourly attention. From here on out, I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to experiment with any additional forms of toilet paper EVER AGAIN!

That’s right — from here on out, I’m sticking with Cottonelle!

Well deserved, like the review of the video.

Hat Tip: The now very happily-married-and-raising-a-famly, Laura Lee. Congrats, girl!

I’ve never read this book, but the Amazon reviews are nothing short of fascinating.

Instructions too complicated, December 28, 2013
By Eric Post

Instructions too complicated. Got my dick caught in a ceiling fan. I would not recommend this book, except as firewood.

I truly hate it when any book causes me to get my manhood trapped in a ceiling fan.

Most everyone, at some point in their life, finds it helpful to have a magazine or novel in the bathroom. This seems to fit the bill perfectly.

Tip: Paula, via Facebook

They say that many men gives their penis a name because they don’t want a stranger making ninety percent of their decisions.  My penis, for instance, is named Dwayne Johnson, although it usually goes by its alias, “The Rock.”  *cough*

You can choose the name based on many factors, like its size for instance. Men in adult films who have big packages as seen in adult clips and galleries can often make men with small tools insecure. Of course, it is given that the thing between their legs could drive women crazy. That can affect your inspiration when it comes to picking a name for your penis. Do what’s necessary to make you feel proud saying its name out load!

Just in case you’re not creative enough to come up with a name for your penis on own or with the help of a “loved” one, Amazon now sells The Penis Name Book.

When I first saw the book, Wii for Dummies, back in 2008, I thought, “Wow. Steve Jobs has finally succeeded in making the world a technologically illiterate place.” However, this book, Wii Fitness for Dummies, is less than two months old.

Even though the book requires the common sense of a Politician to be at all practical, there are apparently people in the world who are unable to grasp such taxing concepts as putting their foot on a big white button.

For those people, I would suggest that they also purchase future “Dummies” titles, including, Using a Power Button for Dummies, Putting Two Feet in Front of the Other for Dummies and Pouring Liquids Into Smaller Containers for Dummies. And, of course, if you enjoy those, perhaps you’ll also enjoy my forthcoming title, Zen in the Art of Wiping Your Own Ass: A Life Primer for Those Who Think Stepping on a Big White Button is Your Key to Personal Fitness..