On August 18th, 24-year-old Tommy Salter decided to celebrate his college graduation at the Fort Walton Beach, FL strip club, Club 10. From all appearaces it was quite the party.

Tommy was in good spirits.

$53,000 worth of spirits (and club cash) to be exact.

As irresponsible children do, Tommy called American Express to cancel the charges. AmEx sided with the club.

Tommy then asked his father, Joe Salter, for help. However, instead of chastising young Tommy for irresponsibly spending $53,000 in a tawdry topless bar, the senior Salter assists in suing the strip club, and having them investigated for fraud and forgery, in addition to larceny.

Investigation showed that $39,000 in charges came after the 4AM last call, however, each of those receipts were signed, and itemized bills were initialed, by the younger Salter. His father, of course, says that those signatures and initials are just “scribbles,” and that since they were signed after last call, it proves that Club 10 was illegally selling alcohol after last call.

Any rational, thinking person would be skeptical of that. The club’s policy is that any bottle of champagne (priced between $150 and $2000) requires a separate receipt, and most people do pay at last call. However, even with that, the club has gone out of its way, even offering to refund those $39,000 in charges which came after 4AM.

I suppose it just hasn’t sunk in with dear ol’ dad that Tommy Boy was smashed and is trying his damndest to get out of paying his bills.

Can you say “Buyer’s Remorse,” boys and girls?

I knew you could.

No, no.  I know what you’re thinkin after that skanky blog from weeks gone by, but no.

Everybody has a thing about grabbing hold of and/or making pictures of my boobs.  Don’t ask me why.  I have no idea. Could it be that they are just so damn touchable, lets say like Charmin?  But God gave ’em to me to put pretty bras on, so I do.  Then,  Zacque or Robyn or any number of other Pirate types, end up snapping pictures of them.

This is my birthday squeeze. 

Why I got molested here is way beyond me, as this was Niki’s birthday.

The Darkside double-dipped with me & Robyn.  The little perv.

The full on Pirate Grope.  Jeez.

Becky goin for the goods.  Heh.

Yup. Molested by Susan, too. Look at that face.  Tell me she didn’t like it!

Group boobie grabbin’!

Notice, I’m innocent. I’m always the grab-ee, not the grabber!

     “Hi, I’m Mark.  Can I borrow your breasts for a few hours?  I’ll give ’em back….”
     *blank look*  “Are you serious?”
     “Unless you wanna let me hold ’em for a while…”
     *laughter*  “If I could get rid of them for a few hours, I’d be so happy… I’m actually getting tired of carrying them around!”

     Any questions? 

     Have a good weekend.  😉

     For a few months, I’ve been writing down some of the bizarre and humorous things that come out of peoples’ mouths.

     Back on November 10th, we’re sitting having a late lunch, and from out of nowhere, Zacque sits up in his chair, narrows his eyes to slits and monotonically mumbles:

Ahhh! Get your genitalia out of my eyes! I can’t see!

     On November 20th, I slammed the last portion of a beer sitting on the table, because you know, we can’t abuse the alcohol.  Susan quotably quipped:

Yeah, what’s a little backwash between friends?

     On November 30th, Zacque, Susan and I were sitting in the Old City when Niki walks in wearing a — form-fitting — red shirt.

Zacque: “Ya know, that’s a very nice shade of red.”

Me: “Yeah, I was gonna say, that is a very nice shade of nipple.”

Niki: “And they’re cold, too!”

Me, Susan & Zacque: “DUH!”

     Now, of course, there have been many, many more over the last few months, most of which are too rude to post here (I try and keep things semi-clean).  Hilarious, nonetheless…

     But this one today, from Lisa, takes the cake:

Stop cursing! I’m ovulating and it turns me on!

     Apparently, insanity runs in circles.  😉

     Considering I’m a Star Wars dork (but having a life and personality without making constant references to it like some people), a friend of my sent me a great link today (Les Jones site)…

     Further investigation revealed that there are approximately thirty Femtroopers in the world today, mostly in the United States (thanks to SithVixen for the scoop).
     Peter Hartlaub, at The San Francisco Bay Culture Blog, had a recent entry about the phenomenon.

This is perhaps the most celebratory development for horny Star Wars fans since Princess Leia became Jabba the Hutt’s barge ho.

I think these photos are really hot, but maybe that’s because I’ve seen “The Empire Strikes Back” at least 25 times and own a George Lucas action figure. While the armored hot pants and bare midriff are both nice touches, the contoured breast plate is definitely the sexiest/funniest part of the costume.

     Unfortunately, some people just don’t get it.  A comment on that site, written by someone known only as bagdorka, reads:

You know, I’m all for the armor… But, sorry to say, it’s not the real deal until they are sporting hairstyle-compatible demi-helms that cover their faces. The true star wars geek wants to hear it through the speakers, if you know what I’m saying. 

     *ahem*  Yeah, ok.  Taking this stuff a little too seriously?

     And TK5528 at the UK Garrison of the 501st Stormtrooper Legion seems to agree:

The “femtrooper thing” is strictly not permitted in the UK Garrison.

Besides, we in the UKG only do canon costumes in regards to Star Wars, and IMHO, femtroopers have very little to do with Star Wars.

     *cough*  And somehow spending seven hundred (or more) pounds for a Stormtrooper outfit, going to a London Convention Center and trying to drink Guinness and Whitbread through your helmet does have something to do with Star Wars…?

     Barry, a reader on the Les Jones site, had the following comment:

Well, it does inspire a new saying – “As useless as a codpiece on a femtrooper”

     *Ding!*  *Ding!* *Ding!*  Finally, we have a winner!  Nice one, Barry.  😉

     Les Jones writes:

Femtroopers – Feminine versions of Star Wars stormtroopers, the better to hookup at DragonCon with.
 .
 .
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Natural environment – the hotel and/or convention center

Favorite put-down – aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?

     I would venture to say they get plenty of dork-lines, as well, such as, “Hey, baby, are those things real?”
     Then again, I can also imagine them waving their hand, and saying, “These are not the breasts you’re looking for.”