My friend Jane has been having serious relationship issues lately. Almost to the point that her head is turning all the way around like that possessed chick in The Exorcist.

After much thought (and actual research) on why relationships fail, I’ve come to the conclusion that the sister just needs to settle down, grow up and learn to deal with real life problems as they come at her.

Jane spent several days in a highly agitated state. Being around her as much as I am, I started to be concerned that something might be wrong in her relationship with the fella she’s supposed to marry soon. So, being a good friend, I asked.

She started explaining that for the most part, her relationship with Pete was awesome. They have alot in common (love of music, riding around with no real destination, talking about silly stuff, family values… you get the picture). She then went on to tell me that even though she knows he loves her and he does so much to show it by spoiling her rotten and giving her everything she could want, that there is something really important missing. Intimacy.

At first it appeared that she was troubled by the decrease in or lack of sex in their relationship. But after listening to her and thinking about what she had been saying, it was clear to me that it was more than her being horny and him ignoring it. There was something more to it.

In a relationship, there has to be a balance in every aspect of the relationship otherwise the whole world may seem like its coming to an end. Everything just has to be n’sync.

The emotional needs of both partners must be met by showing compassion and allowing the other to see into the heart of the partner.

The social needs of both partners must be met by doing things together. Whether taking a road trip, going out with friends or sitting on the front porch having social hour.

The intellectual needs must be met by discussions that run deep. As long as the two can discuss THEIR personal views together it doesn’t matter what the discussion is about. Communication is key in keeping each other interested.

Now, all of the above needs were being met for Jane. But the one need that threw the balance in Jane’s world out of sync was closing in for a kill in the relationship. So, she was naturally falling apart at the seams trying to figure out what to do. She couldn’t figure out why Pete was pushing her away when it came to her physical (sexual) needs.

I asked her if it was just lack of sex. As it turns out she just needs that intimate closeness. The hand on her leg when they are in the car. Getting naked and snuggling close with his arms wrapped around her, without the expectation of sex.

My suggestion to Jane was… talk about it. Make sure you both know what the problem(s) is/are. Many times there is a reason for said problem. Sometimes it takes some tears. Sometimes we have to say what we feel, even if it hurts.

Fact is, it takes work to maintain a relationship. It takes attention to detail in every aspect of that relationship to keep it going strong. If you can’t talk about what might be bothering you and you can’t talk it out, there might just be a bigger problem.

As for my friend Jane, she went to Pete and made sure that the lines of communication were wide open.  Hopefully, they can talk about whatever they have going on and get things on track.

Mother-in-Law. Those three words hyphenated together have somehow become the monster in the closet. Simple meaning from the dictionary: mother of one’s spouse.

If it were only that simple, huh?

Granted, I am a Mother-in-Law now that my beautiful, eldest daughter has taken that plunge into marital bliss. *eyes rolled waaay back into the head*

Presently, my view is that I am the most wonderful, giving, caring, patient, non-homicidal mother-in-law out there. I do it for my baby girl. Otherwise I’m sure I’d be a horn sprouting, pitchfork shaking monsters hiding and waiting for that boy to come around screw something up.
But, not me. I assure you.

My ex-husband’s mother was the devil reincarnated in female form. I kid you not. She was scary right down to the evil glint in her eye and forked tongue. She would aspire to purposely make me feel like I was treading on thin ice. That was generally verbal. But did she stop there? No, she is Korean. Everything she would cook was flavored up with just about enough fresh chopped red-pepper to kill a two ton rhino. “Takey Diva some that”.

Sure, thanks. Let me get right on eating that. I love my gastrointestinal tract to be lit up enough that when I fart, I shoot flames across the room.

Looking back, I should have taken it as a sign. He has never, nor will he ever be anything but a mama’s boy. She buys his pants, his shirts, he boxers and socks. She does his laundry. No wonder the man moved back in with her when before the ink on our divorce papers was even dry.

What kind of man was she raising? I’m not all to sure about it, but I know she was in definite competition with me for his affection.

Good for her though. I got out of having to wash his vine ripened socks.

The above thoughts bring me to the following point, which was inspired by my favorite rag-mag.

Could one actually live with one’s mother-in-law on a more or less permanent basis??

I for one, would never even consider living with my significant other’s mother. Even if she was an angel just like me, I couldn’t do it. Two alpha-females in one house is a design for disaster.

I’m just glad to know that Tom and Katie are going through it too. Tom’s mom and other family members all live in the house with the happy couple.

Is Katie going to be able hang on?? She has to deal with Mr. Cruise, and his mother.

My thought is: No way!! I give them another year at the most if THE MOTHER IN LAW doesn’t get the boot.

     Here’s the obligatory holiday photo…

     I missed the Thanksgiving post because I was busy enjoying myself during what was certainly the event that I was most thankful for in 2006.  Miranda and I spent some good, quality time together discussing everything that went wrong during our marriage, and making our apologies where they were applicable.
     Sure, divorce is divorce, and it is the end, but it’s always better when you can part as friends.  And hey, everybody can use a few more friends.  With that, we have all the closure we need to go ahead and get on with our lives.
     So, Miranda, my friend, I hope all of you on your side of the world, and the rest, have wonderful and memorable Holidays. 🙂 *toasts*

     To my family, hey…  *toasts*

     To Mr. & Ms. Swanky, here’s to you guys.  You know why.  *toasts*

     To the Bloggers I’ve talked to, met, hung out with and e-mailed over the last year, kudos, and here’s to a great new year.  *toasts*

     To my customers & clients, we’ve had a good year through all our ups and downs.  I truly appreciate the business, loyalty and reciprocity we’ve all achieved this year.  *toasts*

     To my new neighbors, who’ve been great to hang out with and talk to the second half of the year. *toasts*

     To my friends, both new and old, thanks for the wild times and here’s to us making a few more. *toasts*

     To my Pirate Chicks (possessive little bastard I am), certainly, you girls have certainly made my year.  You’re every one individual and unique, some loud and some quiet, some bold and some shy, some aggressive and some passive, but I know damn well when the shit hits the fan, every damn one of you would be right there with me — and for any of you, I’d do the same.
     You’ve made the good times better, and the bad times bearable, if not hilarious.  *hugs* I love every damn one of ya.  *toasts*

     It just wouldn’t be like me to get all sappy and not leave something sarcastic.

     So, to all the ladies, a special gift, courtesy of NBC…

     Strangely enough, and some holier-than-me might discount it, but I’ve read the Bible about ten times over. Each time, I find something different — something that strikes a chord.
     So, tonight, in my insomnia, I have to wonder … Why was King Lemuel so important to devote an entire chapter of Proverbs?

Pro 31:1 The words of king Lemuel; the oracle which his mother taught him.
Pro 31:2 What, my son? and what, O son of my womb? And what, O son of my vows?
Pro 31:3 Give not thy strength unto women, Nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.
Pro 31:4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; Nor for princes to say, Where is strong drink?
Pro 31:5 Lest they drink, and forget the law, And pervert the justice due to any that is afflicted.
Pro 31:6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, And wine unto the bitter in soul:
Pro 31:7 Let him drink, and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more.
Pro 31:8 Open thy mouth for the dumb, In the cause of all such as are left desolate.
Pro 31:9 Open thy mouth, judge righteously, And minister justice to the poor and needy.
Pro 31:10 A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies.
Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of gain.
Pro 31:12 She doeth him good and not evil All the days of her life.
Pro 31:13 She seeketh wool and flax, And worketh willingly with her hands.
Pro 31:14 She is like the merchant-ships; She bringeth her bread from afar.
Pro 31:15 She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth food to her household, And their task to her maidens.
Pro 31:16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it; With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
Pro 31:17 She girdeth her loins with strength, And maketh strong her arms.
Pro 31:18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable: Her lamp goeth not out by night.
Pro 31:19 She layeth her hands to the distaff, And her hands hold the spindle.
Pro 31:20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
Pro 31:21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household; For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
Pro 31:22 She maketh for herself carpets of tapestry; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Pro 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sitteth among the elders of the land.
Pro 31:24 She maketh linen garments and selleth them, And delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Pro 31:25 Strength and dignity are her clothing; And she laugheth at the time to come.
Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And the law of kindness is on her tongue.
Pro 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, And eateth not the bread of idleness.
Pro 31:28 Her children rise up, and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praiseth her, saying:
Pro 31:29 Many daughters have done worthily, But thou excellest them all.
Pro 31:30 Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; But a woman that feareth Jehovah, she shall be praised.
Pro 31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her works praise her in the gates. 

     I know this is a bit of stirring that’ll annoy some people, but …

     You drink, and offer the same, when you feel you’re at the end.
     Your wife puts in — and puts out.  You’re either partners, or not.  Personally, I don’t think it’s too much to ask.
     And at the End … You certainly need a damn drink.

     Even without the above, treating women with respect isn’t difficult to me.

     Man, it’s 4AM and I’m still wide awake.  And I mean, mow the yard with a push-mower awake.

     It’s just not right.

     I’ve had this insomnia for … well … yeah, just more than a year.  Can’t sleep, no matter how hard I try.  Maybe it started as the restlessness of impending doom.
     Lovely people like to tell me, “It’s guilt that keeps you up at night!”  But it certainly isn’t guilt, and I just tell them, “Thanks!”

     Now, it’s the same thing.  No guilt.  More frustration. 
     A couple of weeks ago, I was prescribed Lunesta.  Nice one.  Calms my mind.  Makes me speak in coherent sentences.  Makes me dream, and remember.  I like that.
     But it sure as Hell doesn’t put me to sleep.

     I need sleep.

     Real sleep.