Onion Investigative Stalk… umm… Reporter Gavin Fisher attempts to understand whether he should give his waitress a large tip or the entire shaft.

Via.

Perhaps … but the bigger Fail is that someone actually took the photo.

Via.

On May 12th, 2011, former Georgia Senator Newt Gingrich announced his plan to run for President of the United States in 2012.

Supporters of New York’s Donald Trump, who previously announced his intent to run for President, immediately demanded proof of whether Newt is an amphibian or a reptile. The Gingrich team countered, demanding clarification as to whether that “thing on Trump’s head” is a mammal or a marsupial.

Meanwhile, Trump’s toupee has filed a motion to amend the Bill of Rights by adding provisions against interspecial discrimination.

With this sort of craziness inherent in the upcoming elections, only one thing is certain:

Only one thing is certain: he wouldn’t have Jesus on IM …

Even Snoop Puppy-Dogg isn’t safe in this recession.

Source: Yep, it’s really Craigslist.