I was looking for a car once, and told the woman I was calling about the ad. She gave me her address, and when I showed up, she said, “Just remember, no biting or hitting, and you have to use a condom.” Apparently, she was selling more than just a Lumina on Craigslist…

I suppose saying, “When I think about marriage counseling, I always think of Safeway,” might be a little more socially acceptable than saying, “That’s what she said.”

Yeah, we know all about your cravings for a Big Mac. But seriously, the Arby’s logo is even worse when looked at for what it is — that long, tall “hat” with a wide brim at the bottom that looks like just like two… Yeah, you know…

At least it wasn’t his trouser snake…

The old demographics, showing that 92% of Internet users were male, no longer apply given that it’s 2012 and Internet and Email usage is pretty proportionate between men and women. So why do we all still get the penis enlargement emails?