There was a movie called Jackass, but Perry Caravello is King of All Jackasses. Take a look at this bit from his Legal case against … well, everybody:
SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA
FOR THE COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES
PERRY CARAVELLO, Plaintiff
v.
JIMMY KIMMEL, JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, DAKOTA NORTH ENTERTAINMENT, INC., DON BARRIS, ADAM COROLLA, KLSC, 97.1., VICE MAGAZINE, MTZ.COM, BLACKHOLE PRODUCTIONS, PARAMOUNT PICTURES UTUBES.COM, and DOES 1 Through 100, INCLUSIVE, Defendants
Case No. BC372039
Filed: May 31, 2007
COMPLAINT FOR DAMAGES
1. ACCOUNTING
2. DECLARATORY RELIEF
3. COMMON COUNT (UNJUST ENRICHMENT)
4. FRAUD
5. NEGLIGENCE
[ skip to the good bits ]
FOURTH CAUSE OF ACTION
(FRAUD)
(AGAINST ALL DEFENDANTS)
[ skip to the good bits ]
14. On or about September 27, 2006, plaintiff appeared on the Adam Corolla radio show as part of the promotion of the release of the DVD sales of Windy City Heat. Plaintiff was promise by Defendant JOHNNY KNOXVILLE that Plaintiff would be paid 10 million dollars if he placed his penis in a mousetrap. Plaintiff agreed to do so, and, much to his emotional tranquility and to his physical harm, was severely injured when the trap went on his manhood. As a direct, proximate result thereof, Plaintiff had to seek out medical assistance for said injuries, pain and humiliation. The afforementioned incident has without Plaintiff’s permission and consent been widely disseminated and circulated on the Internet, to his prejudice, humiliation and emotional trauama. The named Defendants did nothing to prevent the incident from happening at the radio studio, and actually filmed the event without his permission or consent.
Ummm… WHAT KIND OF DUMBASS ARE YOU, PERRY?
Children… Playground… One kids says, “I’ll give you a million dollars to lick my spit off the rail!”
The other kid licks his spit of the rail. He smiles, and laughs.
Everyone standing around says, “Ooooooooooh! Gross!”
He smiles and laughs. He doesn’t expect someone to give him a million dollars. He got the attention he craved.
So what … You think the rules change when you are supposed to be old enough to know better? Welcome to adulthood, Dumbass!
I mean, Dude, your mashed your meat in a device meant to kill animals — what, did you think this didn’t include big lizards? Trouser snakes? Waxed dolphins? You honestly think someone would give you $10 Million for mangling your missile? Jamming your Johnson? Pillaging your pud? And how can you possibly fathon the thought that someone isn’t gonna make a video when you were the one STUPID enough to waste your willy? Trash your torpedo? Annihilate your antler? Sabotage your schlong? Toast your tool?
That’s why you get the Asshat of the Day Award, Caravello: For going above and beyond the call of duty to prove that you could be a bigger Jackass than P. J. Clapp ever thought about!
I’m glad you got a female judge — I’m certain that she’ll make the fallacy (pun intended) of your argument quite clear. And maybe she’ll remember that P. J. Clapp is Johnny Knoxville’s real name…
Seriously, the next time you have the urge to preserve your pecker, try not placing it in a mousetrap.
