Southern California never gets much in the way of rain.  At least, not in the way that the rest of the country gets it.  For the most part, “rain” to SoCal is pretty much considered “heavy fog,” or “drizzle” in an extreme case.  But over the last few days, they’ve experienced a normal, every-day, East Coast sort of rain which has caused numerous traffic accidents, evacuation planning and mass hysteria.

     I remember a particular rain back in the early 90’s which would have been considered a “light shower” to Knoxville.  However, the occurrence in SoCal was so foreign that it prompted numerous news reports.
     A local radio show — the station and location escapes me at the present — did a spoof news report about the incident.
     “Sir, can you tell me what happened here?” asked the fake reported.
     “Yeah, man, like… There was all this water in the air?”
     “Yes?”
     “Then it landed…”

     The specific storm included up to an inch of accumulation, thunder, lightning, and winds in excess of five miles per hour.  A woman on Rodeo Drive experienced water so deep that it reached nearly half way up her stiletto heel.  The State of California was immediately contacted to compensate her for the trauma.

     But the devastation of nearly twenty years ago was not restricted simply to California.  Thousand of activists flooded then-President George H.W. Bush’s office with demands that he take control of the disaster, which left Southern California’s homeless population demoralized and wet.
     Much like Hurricane Katrina, which left nearly one million homeless without homes, nearby Nevada was subsequently inundated with an influx of storm survivors trying to find their beloved boxes.

     I only hope that the events of past are not repeated during this crippling catastrophe, and that FEMA will respond accordingly in their attempts to offer shelter to the millions affected by this light rain.

I overheard a convenience store employee say that “now that President Obama is in office, he was going to finally get an “opportunity”. So I asked how long he has worked at the store and it turns out he was one of the assistant managers and has been for like 5 years.

In any event, I have to just ask this very simple question. Why would an individual waste 5 years of their life waiting for someone to give them something? (Especially a president of a country) I would have thought that after 2 or maybe 3 days would have been long enough to figure out that nobody is going to give us things in our result orientated economy and society. At what point did we just start sitting around with a fucking hand out waiting for shit to drop in our laps? What ever happened to personal responsibility and accountability?

Yea, the bastard was clueless when I uttered the famous quote “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thank you Thomas Edison!

I think Nintendo, X-box and Pong has fried our youths brains and made them lazy slack asses. If they are waiting for me to give them a handout, I have a backyard that needs mowing. Feel free to swing by. No, you only get paid when the job is done well. I won’t pay you just because you showed the fuck up.

God I am tired of supporting underachievers of our society. I really, really am.

     “Mark, what’s wrong with you today?” (concerned)
     “Sorry, a little shaky.  Low blood sugar… I’ve been busting my ass here all day, and I need food… now…”
     “Man, I need this shit finished, then you can grab some food…” (annoyed)
     “I’m so hungry, I could eat a whore…”
     “You mean horse, right?” (laughing)
     “No, I’m really that hungry… and thinking how nice that’d be boiled in coconut milk, with shallots, garlic and green chili paste…”
     “Uhh, Mark, you’re disturbed, man.” (worried)
     “Ya know, you’re starting to look pretty tasty, yourself.”
     “Uhh, okay, umm…” (more worried)
     “Now you’re starting to sound like our new President, which is good.  I happen to like a mixture of dark and light meat in a curry…”
     “Yeah, okay, uhh… I mean… go grab something…” (fear)
     “I’ll be back soon.”
     “Nah, that’s okay… Just, uhh.. I mean… you can finish whenever…” (scared)

     It was amusing to hear the door locking as I walked out of his office…

     …and they call themselves “headhunters.” *rolls eyes*

Today I received a message starting out with an apology.  It’s pretty basic.  It’s pretty lame.

Fifteen years ago she told me that I was going nowhere as she ripped out my heart.  Today she offeres an apology and asks me what is going on.  On FaceBook.

So what should my response be?

So far my favorite is “You no longer have the privilege to know”.  I think it speaks loudly enough.  How about you?  Offer up your suggestions and I’ll gladly use it and give you credit.

I’ll phrase it as:

“One of my friends on blogitude.com suggests that …………”

-me

I’ve got a booger on my finger and I’m looking around my office and I don’t see any kleenex.  Dammit.

“Stick it to the bottom of your chair and flick it off later”, says the little voice.

“Ok”, I say out loud only to find out… Ick – there is other shit down here.  What the hell!  Are they mine?

Probably.

As this seems to be a recurring issue I can’t imagine that I am unique to this experience.  So I dare you to run your hand under your chairs around your house or in your cars.  It is a safe bet you’ll hit crunchy, flakey, dried up pieces of snot somewhere.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying they are yours, but that may not be your thing either.  Maybe you prefer to snort them back and then choke on it as it slides down your throat bouncing back and forth along the walls of your esophagus.  HAACHCHOUGH!!  And then again, maybe you have a spit cup that you use.  Or maybe, just maybe, you aren’t as lazy as I am and you’ll go get something from the bathroom just across the hall.

Anyways, I’ve solved one of my problems.  Now all I have to figure out is: how the hell did I get this shit on my shoe…