Posts Tagged with "urlybits"

Ferrets

October 23rd, 2011 at 4:00 am by Mark
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Given the opportunity, one of the things people find most perplexing about me is how much animals love me. Be it the angriest dog or the most shy housecat, or even wild animals such as deer or tigers, they show little fear and seek out my attention like I’m an old friend they’ve known for years. Unless they’re ferrets.

For whatever reason, as soon as I near one, even the most docile of ferrets will turn ferocious, seeking blood from the closest jugular vein they can attach themselves to, whether it belongs to me or the poor bastard holding them.

Ferrets are evil, and I know this. And I’m sure I’m not the only one…

Why Netflix is Splitting Itself in Two

September 21st, 2011 at 1:00 pm by Mark
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After the last few months of rate hikes and the new decision by Netflix to split its DVD rental business away into a separate business called “Qwikster,” the blogosphere is rife with criticism. Some critiques, however, are more spot on than others…

Why Netflix is Splitting Itself In Two: A Cartoon by The Oatmeal

Wal-Mart.com USA, LLC

Things Could Always Get Worse

August 7th, 2011 at 9:00 pm by Mark
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Of course, given this case, a bad day would purely depend on your perspective.

The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this: You're a Siamese Twin.  Your brother, attached at your should, is gay.  You're not.  He has a date coming over tonight.  You only have one ass.

Need Assault Rifle Accessories?

August 7th, 2011 at 10:00 am by Mark
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Like it or not, the best Assault Rifle accessory is still common sense.

Anonymous: "So I'm looking for a rail system for my ak. I find side rails fugly, but will settle for one if need be. was looking at something similar to what's in the pic, but idk if they suck or if they are for tacticool noobs. any input?"  Ivan Chesnokov: "WHY YOU WANT RAIL FOR KALASHNIKOV? IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH AS PROCURED FROM IZHEVSK MECHANICAL WORKS? YOU THINK NEEDS IMPROVEMENT? THEN MAYBE YOU FIND JOB WITH ARMY OF RUSSIA! YOU HAVE DRINKS WITH MIKHAIL KALASHNIKOV, TRADE STORY OF MANY WEAPONS DESIGNED AND DETAILS OF SCHOOL FOR ENGINEERING! OR MAYBE YOU DO NOT DO THIS. PROBABLY IS BECAUSE YOU NEVER DESIGN WEAPON IN WHOLE LIFE. YOU LOOK AT FINE RUSSIAN RIFLE, THINK IS NEED CRAZY SHIT STICK ON ALL SIDES OF WEAPON. YOU HAVE DISEASE OF AMERICAN CAPITALIST, CHANGE THING THAT IS FINE FOR NO REASON EXCEPT TO LOOK DIFFERENT FROM COMRADE. YOU PUT CHEAP FLASHLIGHT OF CHINESE SLAVE FACTORY ON ONE SIDE, YOU PUT BAD SCOPE OF AMERICAN MIDDLE WEST ON OTHER SIDE, YOU PUT FRONT PISTOL GRIP ON BOTTOM SO YOU THINK YOU ARE LIKE AMERICAN MOVIE GUY JOHN RAMBO. MAYBE YOU PUT SEX DILDO ON TOP TO FUCKING YOURSELF IN ASSHOLE FOR MAKING SHAMEFUL TRAVESTY OF RIFLE OF MIKHAIL KALASHNIOV, NO? RIFLE IS FINE. YOU FUCK IT, IT ONLY GET HEAVY AND STILL NO HIT LARGEST SIDE OF BARN. GO TO FIRING RANGE. PRACTICE WITH MANY MAGAZINE OF CARTRIDGE. THEN YOU NOT NEED DUMB SHIT PUT ON SIDE OF RIFLE."

Kiss of Life

August 6th, 2011 at 11:00 am by Mark
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When later informed of the tragedy, Larsen’s girlfriend replied, “Umm, you’re still doing it wrong” …

Fireman giving 'kiss of life' accidentally inhales kitty, Gannett Rochester Newspapers.  "A brave fireman was rushed to the hospital for injuries suffered in the line of duty after he swallowed a tiny kitten while trying to revive it with the kiss of life," the "Sun" reports in its Sept. 7 issue.  Firefighter Steve Larsen, 34, was inside a burning warehouse near Stockhold, Sweden, when he found a 6 ounce kitten gasping for air. "He ran over and started to do CPR on the kitten," Fire Chielf Harald Thorenson is quoted as saying. "I was standing right next to him and the next thing I knew, he gulped real hard and swallowed the animal." The kitten did not survive, but animal rights activists plan to honor Larsen.