[ Blogged in realtime, Wednesday, 20-Jun-2007, kinda like that stupid TV show 24, but without that asshat kid of Donald Sutherland’s… ]

Here we are folks.  It’s a wonderfully balmy Wednesday night at CatScratch Jane’s.  I’m sitting with a bird’s eye view of all the going’s on.  Karaoke is getting ready to kick off and it looks as if all the regular crowd (good and bad) has started peppering in.

The Twin Blow Out is starting here tomorrow, but the biker boys on their motor-scooters are plentiful.  The patio’s a-buzzing, the inside is buzzing.  We’re looking forward to an eventful night.  Bring on the singers.

A real blow-out, right?  Uh. No.  It’s another train-wreck.  That’s what I get for being all amp’d up for a party!  Thus far we have heard a not-so-right-on rendition of “Live and Let Die” (help me!).  Now we are on to the worst drunken interpretation of “You Look So Good In Love” that I’ve ever heard… whining included.

The place is packed.  Folks are piled up everywhere, inside and out with the best bike rack carriers for cars and trucks on all their vehicles.  I’m dying for a beer.  But dammit, it’s busy.  I’m going to wither up and fall in the floor from lack of alcohol.  But as I sit here, waiting for Cutie Pie (our beer wench) to surface, I think to myself “Damn, girl!  You’re hair looks gooood!”

Finally!  A hot guy is getting up to sing.  I missed his name, but he’s wearing a polo shirt and baseball cap.  He’s singing Toby!  You go, boy!  Mercy me, yes.  He sure should have been a cowboy.

I’m still waiting on my beer.  It’s nearly 10pm.  Through the open windows I hear the clank of the triangle being busted by a gaggle of pool shooting biker boys.  Now and then a loud, orgasmic burst of noise comes when one of the bikes fire up.

Ya know, Christmas is coming up.  Harley.  Under the tree.  Big red bow.  Thanks in advance to whomever decides to make this purchase for me.  I’m obliged.

Finally, at 9:55pm, Mark drags his ass in.  “Log the time, Scotty!”  He has mercy and goes to hunt Cutie Pie for my beer.  Bless you, hon.  I was withering.

By 10 I’m thinking, “I thought this was going to be the kick off to a bad ass biker weekend party… it’s more like B-97.5 night in the local geriatric ward.”  Never has an hour seemed more like ten.  Never have I wanted someone to shoot me in the ears worse than I do right this very minute.  “Log the time, Scotty!”

10:01.  Scotty is so excited to be here that he’s taken to watching the drag queens on the t.v. above the bar.  *snicker*  You dirty boy, you.  But wait:  Here comes Nike!  He’s belting out some bad ass Lionel Ritchie love song,  The boy possesses the ability to wake up a bored and otherwise depressed drinking crowd.

Oh my, what’s this?  The heavens have opened up and some good singers with some happy ditties are now on a roll.  Joe hops up and belts out a soulful blues number (he really rocks the hell out of the blues).  Now if we can talk him into losing his “Bat Outta Hell” CD… *wink wink*  You know I love ya, Joe.

I belted out some goodies too, if I do say so myself.  I dueted with Cowboy Billy-Joe-Tom-Bob and sang “Dontcha.”  He kicks ass on the rap part.  Freestyle baby!

I then attempted to do the night justice, with Nike’s help, by belting out “At Last” … the Etta James classic.  Choice.  Very choice.

My news reporter skills are being diminished by the amount of cold beer and Jack Daniels I have consumed.  At this time, all I can really say is that everytime I get up from my corner booth, I end up grabbing this poor girls ass.  So, I end up making light of it, in my regular Diva style.  I own up to it.  I look her in the eye and tell her, “I’m sorry for grabbing your ass everytime I get walk by!”

“Log the time, Scotty!”  It’s 11:14, and I’m drunk. Food ordered. Yah!  I comment to Scotty that we are evil.  He says “No, we’re just honest.”  Good one.

Finally.  Something note-worthy.  A drunken skank finally falls out of her chair into the floor.  NEXT!  Scotty dies laughing, and notes the time is 11:23.

Food on tap.  CatScratch has the best food around.  Especially if too much alcohol has been consumed.  Cue the onion rings.

And the french fries.

Scotty is in the loo, so I’m logging the time as 11:34.

So, if tonight was any forecast of the drunken festivities that are to go on for the next several days at CatScratch… all I can say is WOW!  Good luck with that!

I maintain here and now, I’m Diva enough to stay on the porch, because I certainly can’t keep up with the big dogs.  *rolls eyes*

Woof!  Out.

Just imagine.  Diva is sitting in a quiet, corner booth at Catscratch Jane’s.  It’s 9:30pm on a Wednesday night.  Diva is occupying this booth solo.   This is surreal, and I started thinking, which is usually not a good thing when beer is involved.

My 1st thought is this:  I am sitting here, alone.  Am I bummed that my friends aren’t here?  Am I feeling as if my friends have deserted me for bigger and better things?  Do I feel like I am being neglected?  Am I getting bitter?  No. No. No. No. And no.

I am actually quite content with my life and the way it’s turning out. I’m glad to see all of my friends are happy, content and satisfied in where the last year has taken them.  I am totally capable of amuzing myself and having fun in the situation I find myself in.

My second thought:  Yes, I miss my friends.  But, we have a lifetime of memories made in the short span of approximately one year.  It’s not often that a group of mis-matched people come together like we did.  Every single one of us had some sort of need that this rowdy, loud bunch was filling.  Why, it was only a year ago that we all magically morphed to Catscratch Jane’s.  And dear Lord, the place wouldn’t be the same for several months.

Then something happened.  We all started to settle down.  Some of us fell in love.  Some of us found satisfaction in our careers… Regardless of what it was, we all started to find what we were looking for in life.

All of this brings me to a minor crash in self-analyzation.  I’m 100% secure to know that, although I’m sitting quietly in a corner watching the goings on around me, we all meant and still mean alot to each other.  In some cases, we’re far apart in our physical being. In some cases, we’re just right down the road.  Regardless, we are still together in soul.  Pirates deep down?  Maybe just a little… that Pirate dwells in each one of us forever.

We are really fortunate to have had the opportunity to build bonds that keep us close enough to have a quick lunch, early dinner, a cold beer, or even just a comment on MySpace.  God bless technology.

I really do love where my life is now.  But I still thank God every day that I’ve been blessed with a bounty of friends ~ near and far~ ~old and new~

Sappy, yes.  But, sometimes even Pirates can be sentimental.

Ok.  If I’m nothing else, I’m completely honest and tend to let all my inhibitions fall to the ditch with my pals in our little blogging world.   Since only a few of you know me on a totally personal level, and have never seen my face, and could most likely not pick me out in a line-up… I don’t mind sharing my innermost thoughts with you… even if they are sometimes a little off. 

So, we were at Catscratch Jane’s, and Scotty reminded me that I was going on about how much of a hottie Toby Keith is.  Yes, it’s true.  I’d sop that boy up with a biscuit.

In the midst of a discussion about blogging a “Hottie of the Day” about Toby Keith, I (without thinking, of course) blurt out that, “I have had so many wet dreams about Toby Keith, I can not possibly do it justice”…

So…  I will not attempt to discuss why Toby is such a hottie, but will continue seeing him “Dream walkin and Pillow talkin”. 

I will recess now to the confines of my cold shower.

Peace.  Out.

So I’m not forwarding it to anyone.  But if someone wants to do it, add your blog and location to the bottom of this list, and send it on.

A Secular Franciscan Life – Billings, Montana, USA
Erica’s Blog – Brooklyn, New York, USA
Groanin’ Jock – Montrose, Scotland, Great Britain
The Kat House – Knoxville, Tennessee, USA
blogitude.com (Mark Steel) – Knoxville, Tennessee, USA
WhoreChurch – Tennessee, USA
blogitude.com (Diva Howe) – Knoxville, Tennessee, USA 

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My father had an ear for the beach tune back in the day. I was promptly named Rhonda after that catchy ditty “Help Me, Rhonda”.

Thanks, Daddy. Without fail, at least once a day, somebody will serenade me.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Wow, remarkably, it’s been about three and a half minutes since I cried. Which is amazing because Diva is a big cry-baby.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
No. Especially when I’m in a hurry. My hand writing is all fat and bubble like.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I don’t do lunch meat. California veggie sandwich for me, please. Avocado, sprouts, cucumber, pepper cheese all topped off with salt, pepper and vinaigrette.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
I have plenty of children running around. Two of them are actual products of my pain and suffering through 9 months of hell. Two of them are mine by proxy, and I love them very much. The youngest, the boy, my grandson, is currently undergoing the morphization into the terrible twos

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I’m sure I would be. I can appreciate a sarcastic and extremely snide bitty.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Absolutely not.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Indeed I do.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I’m not sure I have it in me to go flying off of a perfectly good bridge or platform anymore. I’m turning wimpy in my old age.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I’m a sucker for Rice or Corn Chex.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Flip-flops don’t have laces

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
No. I’m a wuss, physically and emotionally.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Double Chocolate Malted Crunch from Thrifty.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
If they are nice or mean or stuck up or snotty or sweet.

RED OR PINK?
Pink everything.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I have no will power.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I miss my mom and my sister. They are too far away and I only get to see them now and then.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
khaki capris and brown Jesus sandals

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A pack of crackers and coffee for breakfast.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The fan blowing in our common area

IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Pink. One of the bright ones though.

FAVORITE SMELLS?
My grandbaby when he is fresh and clean after his bath.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Amanda.

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
UT VOL ball, NASCAR

FAVORITE HAIR COLOR[S]?
Blondish, with some brownish and redish mixed up in there.

FAVORITE EYE COLOR?
Mine are blue.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nope. I’m supposed to but they drive me completely insane.

FAVORITE FOOD?
When I get to pick, it’s almost always the same. Taquitos. It’s hard to screw up a taquito. Slap some chicken and onions and stuff in a rolled tortilla, fry the hell out of it, serve with guacamole, sour cream and pico. It’s a mini art form.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Love a good horror flick.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I was twitchin for some original Star Wars and the postal employee just happened to bring it to me the other day from Netflix.

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Brown tank

SUMMER OR WINTER?
I have decided I hate summer in East Tennessee almost as much as I hate winter in East Tennessee. I basically just hate the climate here year round.

HUGS OR KISSES?
Can’t I have both?

FAVORITE DESSERT?
I love me some Crème’ Brulee.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I never bothered to learn how to read.

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Its one of those liquid filled numbers.

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Laid on the couch and watched Boston Legal.

FAVORITE SOUND[S]?
Rain on the roof/porch. Love to hear the tree frogs too.

ROLLING STONES OR THE BEATLES?
I like them both about the same. I’d rather hear The Doors if I have a choice.

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Germany

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
You bet I do. I’m working on becoming leader of the Darkside.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Cottage Hospital in beautiful Santa Barbara, California

WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
I’m not forwarding this. I’m not asking anyone to complete this. I’m just sitting here at work, bored as hell.

Remember: Beer is proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy.

Monday Melee

1. The Misanthropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

The obsession with the Great Green Evil… MONEY!  Why must everyone be obsessed with it?  Is it not possible to do without this concept in its entirety and still have a successful society?  Oh well, I suppose I will have to learn to at least live with this in some shape, form or fashion.  (Barring total armageddon or the collapse of society as we know it…  Which I can’t have, I love my computer… It allows me to keep in touch with people who are out of reach.)

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

I will now offer a tribute to the bogusness of the town I so formerly was a resident of…  Now beyond time and space we shall travel back a few years.  Yes, you have now reached the time of the Wilks Bucks Scandal of Maryville, Tennessee.  Funny how the only newspaper article I could find was from The Oak Ridger and his name was changed. 

Hmm… Something fishy is afoot I do believe.

The Maryville paper quite possibly could have just forgotten about the whole incident for some reason.  What that may or may not be I will never know.  Although it seems kind of unusual for Oak Ridge to have made a report on the topic and no where else in the state.  I was there I knew what happened. 

The moral of this story is: Kiddies think twice before trying to defraud our glorious government because big brother is watching.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

I am rather distraught with my total lack of faith in people that are around me.  It’s not necessarily that I don’t trust them.  It falls more along the lines of I seriously question their ability to follow through with things.  After all most people are easily much more easily distracted with things that directly affect their own person.

Secondly, I am let down by the lack of excellent and groovy living in the world.  With this lack of easygoing natural course of living,  life is difficult.  While I realize that for the most part life can be summed up from a quote in The Princess Bride, “Life is pain.” I require myself to think differently. 

Last but not least, on this note can’t we all just f*cking get along.  (I know I used the word f*ck, but when I used it it had more emphasis didn’t it?)   

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

The rest of the reading world, well hell you made it this far.  Just keep on truckin’.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

 The mirror broke this week, check back later… (I apologize for the complete lack of interesting and funny dialogue but  I’m just full of sour satire this week…)

On the other hand I did find a six pack of Samuel Adams Cream Stout… Boy is it yummy it really hits the spot.   Also it is great to blog by and as Moe says, “I highly recommend it!”

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

Visible progress in four key areas (not the armpits, a**hole, crotch and teeth…*): my love life, unfortunate financial situation, extending the arm of friendship my daily grasp, and feeling as if I can’t quite fulfill the requests of friends and family.

* In most civilized communties, these are great places to keep clean. In addition, you can save time if you use the same brush for all four areas.

Thus is the conclusion of my Monday Melee.  You too can join in the fun by visiting The Monday Melee page and completing the steps.  Kick-start your brains on Mondays, meet other bloggers, and by George have a darn good time too.