Fortune Cookie Nazi Wins Battle, Game Over

September 14th, 2007 at 2:01 pm by Diva
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I just hate craving that damned chinese food from that damned yummy place over here by the office

I mean, I get a craving for it and I decided that, despite the fact I know that evil ass munch won’t give me the fortune cookie without a square off in the middle of the parking lot, I was going to go have me some tastey morsels of saucy goodness.

So, as usual, I go in, get my little styrofoam container, proceed to the buffet of happiness, load up my choices and go to the register to pay.  I set my container on the scale, as they charge for buffet to go by the pound.  This is where it the ugly gets on.

So, everything seems to be going smooth.  I’m mentally preparing for the fight for the fortune cookie.  I intend to win this time. 

“You need sauce or fork?” he asks me all smug like.

“Nope. But I want a Diet Pepsi,”  I tell him.

“Diet Pesi!” he calls out to the chick at the waitress station.

She totes it over and sets it on the counter as he rings me up. 

“That be $4.62,” he tells me.

UH OH!  Houston we have a problem.  Diva don’t carry cash.  Just something I don’t do.  It’s way too easy to use my debit card to have to fool around with dollars.

This ass munch “only takey the credit cawd fo ova fi dolla.”  Hasn’t he seen that VISA commercial that shows the world is officially going plastic???

Still yet, I try to slip it by him.  I pull out my debit card with VISA logo and push it toward him.

“We only take cawd fo purchase ova fi dolla,” he reminds me.

“Look guy, I don’t have any cash.  Well I have a handful of change in the bottom of my purse, but not enough,” I tell him as show him my empty wallet.

“You always can get another drink take wif you,” he tells me.

“Uh, no. You can run my card or I’ll have to leave it,” I tell him, now pissed.

“Well, I not running cawd.  You get cash, come back,” he tells me.

“OK, fine!”  So, I walk out the door.  No lunch, no friggin fortune cookie, and definitely no balls to tell him what he could do with his no useless carton of to-go.

God Bless Taco Bell.  They’ll takey my debit card for an eighty-nine cent bean burrito.

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8 Responses to “Fortune Cookie Nazi Wins Battle, Game Over”

  1. Mushy Says:

    Yeah, even Sonic takes the card crub-side!

    Foke him!

  2. Noelle Says:

    I’m not trying to be a dick, but just to play devil’s advocate, you could have just bought the extra soda, or maybe added an egg roll. It seems like you didn’t pay because you were trying to “teach him a lesson” and you went hungry… I think there might be a lesson here.

  3. Mark Says:

    In this case, you have to keep in mind that there’s a history of stupidity at the place in question. No fortune cookies, insult-hurling staff who think they can’t be understood, an over-abundance of migraine-inducing MSG in the Lo Mein and assorted other asshattery. Sometimes it comes down to economics. 😉

  4. Diva Says:

    As a matter of fact, Noelle, yes. It was a matter of me being a total bitch. However, it was provoked off and on for many moons.

    Indeed I could have went and added an eggroll, but seeing as how I’m didn’t have any fried food in my little container, why the hell would I do that?

    The fact is, this guy is a greedy asshat who would rather impose a minimum order on something he’s already making bank on. Why? All in the name of saving himself a penny when he swipes that card. He doesn’t want to have to pay the insignificant little fee unless he collects a minimum amount from customers. Mind you, this is only on the buffet.
    I could go in there today, order 2 california rolls, which total less than $5 and the dude would take my card. Go figure.

    Anyway, the blog is mostly in sarcastic fun anyway. Get a grip. Make fun of your life situations instead of being so friggin serious about everything. Live long and prosper, girl.

  5. Noelle Says:

    Hopefully you know that my comment was with good intention. I’m no stranger to sarcasm, but I thought it might be a more interesting conversation if we explored the alternatives. I just thought it was funny, and ironic how doing things on principle usually tend to screw us in the end. You’d think it would be the opposite.

  6. Diva Says:

    Alternatives are good, I’ll give you that. Had this guy not been a complete assnugget and put a huge chip on my shoulder a way long time ago, I’d have been perfectly happy to get the extra Diet Pepsi. But he’s a dick and I broke bitch. I tend to do that occassionally.

    All in all you’re right on one point, and maybe I was wrong to be this way, but, I did do it out of pure “teach old boy a lesson bitch mode”.

    But I didn’t go hungry. 😀 Oh, no. I ended up eating my bean burrito with a bigger Diet Dew for 2 dollas & change. Which I put on my card.

    Please don’t take my sarcasm and bitch nature to heart. It’s all bark. I’m stressed out and this would be where I vent.

    P.S. The live long and prosper part was serious though. I wish for everybody to be happy!

    xoxo Diva

  7. Noelle Says:

    I love your outspoken nature. I think assertiveness is very sexy and attractive, especially in a woman! I just love playing devil’s advocate.

  8. Diva Says:

    Devil’s advocate is good. I’ve been known to wear that hat on occassion. And again, you’re right on target!! I’m totally sexy =)