It’s no big secret I haven’t been reading a lot of other blogs for a while.  It’s not because I’m a selfish ass, it’s just about time.  Well, that, and that I can’t find an RSS reader I like.  Quite honestly, I wish I had a nipple on my ass just for Google Reader.  While it works well for many, I have nothing but problems with it.

     I’ve been hitting a lot of tangent reads, however, while looking at stats, and I’ve come across some that are just fit right in with my own twisted sense of humor.

      FU, Penguin is absolutely brilliant.  As an animal lover, I just can’t help but look at the beautiful pictures, and think about all the wonderful things this author has to say about each one of God’s creatures.  It just warms my heart, and sometimes, even gives me a woody. I love this blog so much, that I may actually buy the book rather than downloading it from Limewire.

     I found this next blog due to some 17-year-old prick from Michigan writing a crap article about the Ten Five Worst Blogs Ever.  Apparently, his math skills were as bad as his authorship.  I think it comes from buying too many fake drugs from 8 Mile.  So STFU, kiddo.  Eminem you are not.  And neither is Eminem.
     And thus is the introduction to one of my new favorite reads, The Worst SEO Blog Ever!, however SEOHack hasn’t written in days because he’s too busy microblogging stupid shit on Twitter.  If he could pull his head out of his rectum for five minutes, I’d actually like to have a chat with him, because, as the blog suggest, his SEO Blog is tremendously poor, while his SEO Skill is extremely high.  Irreverent, intelligent, and insightful as it may not be, I thoroughly enjoy reading it.

     And while we’re on the subject of finely attuned, irreverent link-whores, we certainly can’t forget our good friend Fracas, who’s closed her old wordpress.com blog in favor of her own domain so that she can put up ads to her heart’s — and pocket book’s — delight.
     Don’t spend all those pennies in one place, Fracas, mah dear.  I mean, seriously, one good Snickers bar, and the blog fund will be broke all over again. 😉

     Ahh, the Internet is a fun place.

     Good night, and good luck.

     For reasons unknown, GEICO Insurance is always lauded for their brilliant marketing.  I cannot understand why.  In my own particularly crass vernacular, I always refer them as GAYCO, thanks in no small part to their annoying, sexually confused lizard who can’t quite pick which borough of London he’s actually from…

     The GEICO Pothole Ad is absolutely The Most Annoying Television Commercial Ever, due in no small part that even though it is less than visually stunning, it additionally contains dialogue which makes me want to repeatedly jab forks into my ears so I can’t never, ever hear it again.

     On second thought, perhaps I should simply hunt down and demand a blood sacrifice from the asshats who made it.

     Once I get that, I can use said sacrifice to eternally torment those damned Burger King people…

     …because if that happened to me, their mascot would certainly be meeting the business end of a personal firearm, with justified cause for self-defense.

     Ahh, which leads to the thought, perhaps I should send them some Advil…

     At 5:00AM on this particularly and unseasonably wet-cold morning, a solid half-million people were on the roads in Knoxville, TN in search of elusive, and oft-sold-out, rock-bottom prices for their Holiday gifts in the shopping phenomenon known as Black Friday.
Fortunately, this blogitude.com staff member was there to make fun of them.

     After scanning the Gamestop Black Friday Deals website and finding nothing that couldn’t have been purchased for the same, or slightly less, cost at Walmart up to six months ago, I visited two local Gamestop locations to find masses of people lined up in front of the store, huddling together in the cold, attempting to keep warm.  Unbeknownst to them, their waits would be rather long, as Gamestop didn’t open at 5AM, or even 6AM, as it did in many other areas.

     As there was clearly nothing special to be found, I decided to attempt another ruse to get a great deal from Gamestop.  At 5:20AM, I stood in the parking lot and yelled, “Playstation 3 sucks!” loudly.  The response was only minimal, but overwhelmingly positive, in fact.  Apparently everyone knows that Playstation 3 sucks, and I thought that perhaps it might be best to try another location to scour for a Gamestop deal.

     At location two, the crowd was a bit rowdier.  And so, at 5:45AM, I yelled, “Playstation 3 sucks!” as loudly as possible.  Unfortunately, this resulted in a good-natured, “Hell, yeah!” and a few people raising their hands and shooting invisible laser guns in the air, complete with sounds effects.
     After scouring other stores in the area for Black Friday malady, I decided to return to Gamestop at 6:12AM to find an even larger crowd gathered in front of the business.  Since my logic had failed in insulting the Playstation 3 (I won’t insult the Xbox 360), I decided to try another tactic.

     “Jean-Luc Picard is a fag!” seemed to be the magic phrase.  The Gamestop employee guarding the front door (easily identified by the rockstar-groupie style badge hanging around his neck) zinged a white Xbox 360 Wireless Controller at me, clearing a distance of nearly twenty feet!  Who said spending the majority of your life pushing buttons on a gaming controller doesn’t count as physical activity?
And so, I returned home happy, with yet another Xbox 360 Wireless Controller, courtesy of Gamestop!  What an incredible Black Friday Deal!

     Black Friday Shopping like this makes it all worth it.  Yes, it’s the one on the lower left.

     Please note that when taking advantage of this deal, your choices of controllers may be limited.  Controller may have minor-to-medium cosmetic damage.  Controller may or may not have a battery pack, whether standard or rechargeable.  Gamestop is not responsible for any medical bills directly or indirectly caused by taking advantage of this deal.  Other restrictions may apply, so please check your local Gamestop store!

Since I had to get up this morning to bake a German Chocolate Cake and the first thing I had to do was empty out the garbage I give you this as you allow your family and friends over for lunch and/or dinner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8DtpdXZi0M

Happy Thanksgiving!

Because sometimes, 200mg is just not enough:

For permanent relief of symptoms including, but not limited to, mild to severe migraines, tension and sinus headaches, joint pain and inflammation, constipation, heart problems, diabetes, dry mouth, cancer, clinical and non-clinical depression and anxiety, H1N1 virus, erectile dysfunction, sexually transmitted diseases, intruders, terrorists, door-to-door salesmen, annoying people who just won’t STFU, and those damn raccoons.

Also available in .45 ACP!

WARNING: Do not ingest or insert into rectum.  Not for
use on immediate family or Law Enforcement personnel.

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