So I came up with this ridiculous story about how I kicked the dog and how it was pissing everywhere and barking and what an asshole I am.  The kicker was that I don’t have a dog and that I was at my neighbors house.  Well, after getting through the second sentence I came to realize that only an asshole would find that kind of shit funny.  So what does that make me?  Not this asshole – that’s for sure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_KBs3znjWs

This guy is surely one of the World’s Biggest Asshats…

How does one start to tell a story?  It’s an interesting question and I’m tired of pondering it.   So let’s just start by saying that I’m sitting on the back porch.  It’s raining.  It’s hot.  I’m tired.  The cars driving along the street, just beyond that rickety old fence, are driving ever so slowly.  So slowly that after finishing off this last case of beer, I can still count them.

The woman in the blue convertible japawhatever, the kid in the old beat-up bug, the man in the old Chevy Nova, wearing a fedora and burping up noxious clouds of who knows what.  Makes me want to do something, educate someone, enlighten him as you will, but, as time will tell, I am just too….

I stay put, perfectly pressed into the cushion, hand chilled by the touch of the cool perspiring glass.  Comfortable.

     Sometimes, a picture says it all.

Tip: Paul at Daily Shite.

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     There are so many things wrong with this Craigslist ad:

     Stock … muffler … I guess we know where the scrapes came from … And apparently, Sex Ed is failing in Blount County. 

     Seriously, dude, ya know, if it’s not that hard and loud any more, they do make pills for that…

* Tip to Ripshod for the link

     For all of you people who keep cutting and pasting silly status messages on Facebook, MySpace or other Social Networking sites attempting raise awareness about miscellaneous things which may or may or may not be serious, I submit the following original — by yours truly — for your consideration:

Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who knows someone or has been affected by someone. People who know someone or have been affected by someone affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for knowing someone or affecting someone, except perhaps never having existed, but we can raise awareness!

     Now, all of you people who do not exist, please stop trying to f#$*ing add me on Facebook.  

     Thank you.  Drive through.