Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Short Man’s Complex

November 8th, 2011 at 12:56 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , ,

Now we know why all these baggy-shirted guys have the attitude: it’s a clear-cut case of short man’s complex!

Safety Tips for New Couples

November 7th, 2011 at 12:54 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , , ,

For some men, a cheat sheet is a necessity.

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Get Ripped with the Tug Toner!

November 4th, 2011 at 2:19 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , ,

Move Over Shake Weight: Now There’s Something Meatier!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df8GVX0LbC8

Ferrets

October 23rd, 2011 at 4:00 am by Mark
Tags: , , , , , ,

Given the opportunity, one of the things people find most perplexing about me is how much animals love me. Be it the angriest dog or the most shy housecat, or even wild animals such as deer or tigers, they show little fear and seek out my attention like I’m an old friend they’ve known for years. Unless they’re ferrets.

For whatever reason, as soon as I near one, even the most docile of ferrets will turn ferocious, seeking blood from the closest jugular vein they can attach themselves to, whether it belongs to me or the poor bastard holding them.

Ferrets are evil, and I know this. And I’m sure I’m not the only one…

responsive_wp_468x60

Jesus Saves

October 8th, 2011 at 6:35 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , , , ,

The next time YOU need to move YOUR mobile home, remember:

JESUS SAVES — By using Christ His Grace is Sufficient Mobile Home Service and Transporting, Inc. to transport His mobile home.