Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Spoiled Milk?

June 18th, 2013 at 5:06 pm by Mark
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Suggestion: Remember that there’s no sense crying over spilt milk.

Spoiled Milk: "Daddy, I want A PONY!"

Name a Popular Queen?

June 17th, 2013 at 5:52 pm by Mark
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Fail! It said Queen, not Queen member. And, with popular, mainstream choices like Bernadette Bassinger, Felicia Jollygoodfellow, Noxeema Jackson, Vida Boheme, Chi Chi Rodriguez, and RuPaul, that just seems wrong… Or maybe it’s just me… I mean… Nevermind.

Name One Popular Queen: "Freddie Mercury."

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WalMart: Where Beer is More Important Than Food

June 16th, 2013 at 5:45 pm by Mark
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Apparently, someone said, “F@#$ it, tomorrow’s Monday,” at WalMart tonight. Of course, I can also remember a time when I might have considered this “one stop shopping.”

Milk, Eggs and Cream Cheese in the Beer Section

Sightings of Multiple Bears in Knoxville

June 15th, 2013 at 5:39 pm by Mark
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Breaking news from Knoxville, where after multiple complaints of multiple bears roaming the city, one young bear was captured on Sutherland Avenue. Area cats remain apathetic.

Multiple Bear Sightings Near Downtown Knoxville

Stock Photos

Choice Way to Get Expelled From School

June 14th, 2013 at 5:42 pm by Mark
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With the rash of Anti-Gun, Zero-Tolerance going around lately, I can only say — kids, don’t try this at school!

A-Salt Rifle