This very well might explain a few friends’ douchey husbands…

In addition to being good preventive maintenance for your automobile, this is also sage advice for young married couples…

Sounds like some people I know, and unfortunately, the damage is already done to their children, as well. At least I had the good sense to not…

Reading through my Facebook feed I came across the post, “Most people don’t realize this, but you can eat Organic, gluten-free foods without telling everyone about it…”

That’s when I started thinking, “How self-righteous do you have to be to really post crap about your diet into a social media page?” That’s when I realized the better question was “Who in their right mind would actually comment on such irrelevant garbage?”

I came to the realization that these people really do care about what they are posting, but what they don’t realize is that they are sending out a message loud and clear, “I am a self-righteous cunt of an individual who has no idea of how stupid I appear to be. Moreover, I am not to be trusted, as I have poor judgment in matters of what is public information and private information. I cannot tell the difference and therefore should not be trusted with authority, responsibility, and the like. I should not be allowed to breed. I should be forced into an internment camp where I am force-fed pasteurized cheese products, gmo corn, and other foods I deem beneath me. I became a member of the populace merely by luck and luck alone. For crying out loud, Darwin is rolling in his grave.”

This is not to say that a nice dinner couldn’t be shared with friends, recipes exchanged, and perhaps a later dinner invitation. However, this self-righteous hippie garbage of “look at how good I am to my body” and self-promotion without a purpose must stop. After all, a few phone calls to friends and family or perhaps an honest to god written letter would suffice. This has no place on the internet as no one outside of that specific group of other self-righteous individuals really gives a shit. After all, in truth this cannot have been a foodgasmic experience, as there is no implication of a couple or more people involved. To my knowledge, this was only one, organically enhanced and probably radioactive individual in society who decided that broadcasting this into the Facebook universe was a new and exciting idea. In reality, this move is about as exciting as doing an internet search for the word poop.

With that in mind, here are a few posting guidelines for future reference:

1. Is the news I have really interesting?
   If not, don’t post it.
2. Is this something that really needs to be shared with everyone?
   If not, share it only to the people who might actually give a shit.
3. Is this more interesting that a political scandal where someone gave a blowjob to a politician, wearing a clown suit with a steel marital aid hanging out of their rectum?
   Then see number 1.
4. Get a life.

So eat your self-righteous food, take a shit, take a picture, then blog the picture and see if anyone can tell if said shit has a smell. I bet the answer is yes, and you will still have more friends on Facebook than Nickelback. Your shit does not smell any different, so cut the shit. Get on with what semblance of a weeny life you have and enjoy what you can.

Note: This post was powered by: Benson and Hedges, Evan Williams Sour Mash Whiskey, and the Writing Staff of Blogitude.com.