The Following Can Go Fuck Themselves Today:

• The ugly loud girl at Starbucks who was too busy being ugly and loud instead of properly putting together an order of a decaf coffe and a mocha.
• The guy at Starbucks who decided it was a good idea to remove melon — yeah I said it… MELON — flavoring for my damn morning green tea.
• Whoever the idiot at Arm and Hammer was who decided to add some element to their laundry detergent that makes my butt, crotch, and armpits itch.  You truly suck sir.
• The idiot in charge of the interface for sharing usb drives within OSX.
• The fuckhead who installed my desk 3 inches too low.  Shit.  That was me.
• Sun Microsystems for that piece of shit application Open Office that sems to crash more often than it allows me to change a default font.
• The grand idiot, Mark Steel, at Blogitidue.com for giving *me* of all people a damn account.  Pendejo.
• Motley Crue for “Home Sweet Home”.

… And I only got to work an hour ago.  This is going to be the best day ever!

Happy New Year!

Glenn

     “Hey, you should come over Wednesday night.  Plenty of food!”
     “So, what, you’re havin’ a party?”
     “Well, I hadn’t thought of it like that, but lots of food, a few friends, drinks…”

     Yeah, I remember those days… I’ll bet Mr. McCaughan does, too…

     Just a “few friends,” indeed…

     Then the next morning, you’re trying to figure out who shat in the cat’s litter box and why all the deck furniture from Ivy and Wilde is in the trees.  The VW Microbus sitting in the den can never be easily explained.

     Exasperated due to many futile attempts, I’d usually just scream, “Those damn raccoons!”

     I mean, what the hell was I supposed to say?

     It’s not like anyone ever actually believed me when it was so clearly the work of Sebastian Cabot and his evil horde of winged monkies…

     Damn evil hordes of winged monkies!

     I had work to do today, run a bunch of errands, and do some laundry.

     Everywhere I went had the foul odor of baby poop.

     It actually gave me a complex.

     I checked my shoes.  And my ass. 

     It wasn’t me. 

     Why do parents take their children out like that, for all day shopping sprees, and never have the decency to change a diaper? 

     Sorry to all you on-the-go mothers out there, but I really don’t feel like smelling your kid’s poop… You had six months to do Holiday shopping (they started it in July this year for f@#$sakes!) and the rest of us having to put up with your Holiday Poo-Fest is even more rude than having to put up with your Demolition Derby tactics in the parking lot and Shopping Cart Homicide at the checkouts…

     You’ve even managed to put me off my hummus…

     Of course, I can’t say much about the fathers, either.  I’ve never seen so many kids on leashes… Like that’s not going to turn them totally kinky when they hit their mid-40’s…

     And what the f@#$ are you people taking your kids shopping for, anyway?  “You can’t have it til Christmas” is considered cruel and unusual punishment in many areas.  So for a week before Christmas, they’re bursting with excitement, and know exactly what they’re going to get…

     Great, ruin the element of surprise and create severe agitation all at once!  They’ll be book-phobic, cheating at video games and popping ritalin like candy before you know it!

     Yeah, Happy F@#$ing Holidays, you bastards!

     It’s been widely noted that I do not sleep.  Like, at all.

     There aren’t too many times I’ve slept since June.

     But last night, I slept for a whole five hours…

     Then I fell back to sleep til 10AM.

     Waking up is funny… that’s when I’m the most groggy…

     And do stupid things like stick a straw in my coffee and take a big drink… *shakes head*

     But fortunately, I’m too groggy to notice that my tongue is scalded.

[Update: 9:13PM]

     I fell asleep again… woke up at 5:30PM soaking wet from sweat…

     A customer asked me to fix some stuff on his server, and I did it…

     But when it came time to add reverse DNS records, twelve of them, I couldn’t think about anything that came in twelves but Apostles…
     “How about Zodiac signs?”
     “Oh, man, and there I was, thinking, egg1, egg2, egg3, egg4… and that wouldn’t work…”

     Groggy, post-sleep, need sleep, more sleep…

     I’m gonna eat a pizza and go back to bed. 😉

     I need an Xbox 360 Pro.  Or Elite.  I don’t give a damn.  Either one.  But not a shitty Arcade.

     I need one because I have a marketing idea.

     Only thing is, I can’t afford one. 

     So here’s what I propose…

     I’m thinking about selling a Solid 24K Barack Obama Coin on the Internet. 

     With the following disclaimer:

     “* Contents subject to Change during shipping.  Recipient experience may differ greatly.”

      So who wants to buy one for the low, low price of $299.99?