I have never been interested in meeting anybody in an online setting.  I crusied some of the sites and even checked out some of the adult type friend sites.  But, when it came right down to it.  I never met anyone because I’m too much of a chicken shit.

I mean you hear horror stories of people meeting in person and one or the other, or neither of them, is what they claimed they were.  Or look like that picture they sent you.  Visit SEO Blog on OUTK where they explain best methods of marketing.

Call me old fashioned, but when I was looking to meet somebody, I would rather it be over the cucumbers in the produce section of the local Piggly Wiggly, or maybe over a goofy “cooking for one” book at the library.

I joined MySpace last year to comment and cut up with my REAL LIFE FRIENDS.  I never accept “friend requests” from people who I have never met in MY REAL LIFE.  Nor do I ever randomly pour through page after page of people requesting them to be my friends.  No.  If I don’t know ya in real life, then you’ll never make it past the gate.

I know more than a few people who have met their significant other online (eHarmony, Match.com, MySpace…) and who have actually made it for a minute.  But I know of none who has made it for the long haul.  Why?

Well, in this day and age, it seems that those in the online dating community just shift around.  Maybe its because there are so many available folks out there just lookin for love in all the wrong places. 

It’s a meat market for reals.  But, it’s not like a meat market as a bar would be.  No.  Say you go to your favorite bar or club.  Yah, it’s a fashion show.  Yah, everybody is there hoping to meet someone unless they are there with someone.
But, at least you now when you are talking to them face to face, they aren’t sitting there browsing profiles of others while they are talking you up.

I don’t know.  I guess I was jaded, or tainted against this kind of crap.  I’m not a very trusting individual since a guy I was seeing in the last century was a total computer dork that (I found out later) was always looking at online personals and profiles. 

Now you’re prolly sitting there thinking, why is she going off on this lame ass tanget?  What the hell pulled her trigger today?

Well, friends, I’ll tell ya.  There’s a dumb-ass on AOL and yahoo who surfaces now and again thinking we’re the best of friends.  Before MySpace, he used to comb AOL profiles and email unsuspecting females.  I guess so he would have someone to talk to or whatever.  Anyway, I guess it was middle of last year, after he joined MySpace, he surfaced again, showing 198360876 (exaggerated for impact) friends, all of which are female.  Which proves my point.  Or maybe it doesn’t.  I’m sort of annoyed right now.

So, today on my little yahoo messenger thingy, I posted my status as “I’ll never paint again, swear to God!”    And I guess it piked his little curiousity button somehow.  So, he (out of the blue) decided to IM me…  Lord have mercy… 

The conversation went a little somethin like this:

Dork:  ok, I just gotta ask why won’t you ever paint again?

Me: Because I have no feeling left in my arms from painting over dark colors with white like I promised my landllord. lol

Dork:  see you should of called me you know thats whats i do for a living**** 

****NOTE:  Actually, I didn’t know that, but whatever

Me:  Nopie, didn’t know that.

Dork:  yes i told you when we first started talking i remodel houses for a living

Me:  How long ago was that though?  And how long has it been since we talked?  Prey tell, do you remember what I do or from what locale I hail?

Dork:  only couple days…lol just kiddon and in winter months

Me:  No, it was well before last summer.  And as I recall I wasn’t interested in talking to you because you find it to be wonderful to collect women friends online. 

Dork:  no it wasnt you must be thinking of that other man lol

Me:  I talk to no other men, other than the one I’m about to marry****

**** NOTE: That is not all together true.  I have REAL LIFE FRIENDS that are male and I certainly talk to them.

Dork:  see

Me:  See what?  You act like you know me.

Me:  He lives with me, I don’t talk to him online  (Also not completely true, he lives with me part time until we actually jump on the weddin train)

Dork:  well that’s cool

Then the dork went silent and didn’t bother me anymore.  I just get irritated that people have so little value for someone else’s time I suppose. 
Anyway, he is like every other person out there waiting to see some long lost person they added on to their buddy list, so they can feel important because they are chatting it up.

GET A LIFE!

There are two things I’ve seen women be ecstatic and smiling through.  One is planning a wedding.  The other is childbirth.

I’ve decided that unless you have unlimited fundage and a perfect body, planning a beautiful wedding is nothing more than a super big charlie-horse right in my ass.

I guess I really shouldn’t be complaining, because things have finally started to work out as they should.  With the exception of the minister backing out, of course.

But, today I was supposed to have my dress fitting with the alterations lady, Angenette.  Well, my underwear that we ordered was supposed to be here on Friday but it wasn’t. This is a thing which resembles an archaic chinese torture device used to suck the breath out of women to keep them quiet!  I have no idea where the fat is supposed to go once we get me into it, but supposedly it’ll smooth one out under a wedding gown.

So, I had to call and reschedule with Angenette for next Monday.  Great!  Problem solved.  Not quite.

Today, the torture device arrived in a pretty little box.  Apparently the people who sewed the size into this thing were smoking some good shit at the time.  Because not only was it too small, but it fit my boss rather snug and she’s a tiny chick.  Way tiny, like a size 8 girl.  Now I’m no rocket scientist, but I would think if something is supposedly my size, but it fits her and it fits her snug, what the hell size am I supposed to get????

That was the only thing that made me feel even slightly less like a cow.

As I talked to Anthony whilst he was out on a ring shopping spree, in tears, he said, “Piss on it! Don’t wear underwear!”

God bless his heart!

My attention was drawn to a NEWSFLASH today, that apparently isn’t such new news.

One of my three alltime favorite bands is reuniting for a reunion tour!!!

Who?

Why, none other than Van Halen. With the exception of base player Michael Anthony, all of the boys will be crankin out the tunes that made ’em famous. Eddie Van Halen’s son, Wolfgang, will be providing the bone thumpin bass now.

As long as David Lee Roth sticks to the songs and doesn’t try to speak, I will be a happy girl! He has proven time and time again that he is a complete dip-shit, but buddy can he belt out the songs.

I’m sitting here having flashbacks to those wonderful days in the early – mid 80’s in which Van Halen ruled the radio waves…

Tour information… www.van-halen.com  

My darling Anthony has agreed to take one for the team, change up our honeymoon plans, and take me to Greensboro to see them rather than going somewhere tropical or beach like.

All I have to say is, for $125 floor seats, I better get to hear ICE CREAM MAN!

It strange. No matter who you talk to, eventually everyone is looking for someone they can relate to.  If only for a short moment, just a glimpse of someone who can relate is nice.

Atlanta, Georgia, is host to such an event.  DragonCon is an open forum for those who share a simple common interest.  A love of art, mass-media, science-fiction, music, film, fantasy and overall congregating just to enjoy themselves.

So whether you want to Save Darfour; If you want to stop the WARZ in the IRAQUE; Take a chance at  saving the Planet while you have the highest power consumption in your city; or realize that just hanging out and having a good time will accomplish about the same thing, come on down to the gathering Labor Day weekend.  Who knows what will happen, but at least you might find something else to occupy your time for a while.

**Heck there is even a Star Warts thing for you Mark… 

Well, kids. Minutes are ticking non-stop and soon I will be moving out of my bachelorette pad into my marital lair. So here I am, with approximately 2.5 weeks to go if I am to be out of my bachelorette pad before the end of this month. I honestly don’t see it happening because there is so damn much to do.

It doesn’t seem that there will be enough days, let alone waking hours in those days, to do all of the stuff I have to do before said countdown expires. Seriously doubt I’ll make it by the end of the month, but if I can I’ll save rent money for my trip and that’s a plus!

So, I’m having a complete meltdown trying to get the black trim in my bedroom covered back up with antique white. What kind of brain fart did I have when I decided to paint my bedroom walls pink with black trim all around??

Honestly, I think I could have found a better way to express my female creativity. But no, I had to have my bedroom look like a Pink Lady jacket. Even though I’m bitching about it now, it was really, really cute. I had pink sheets and black comforter and curtains. My lil girlie space that I shared with NO MAN…. well, at least until I met Tony.

It’s pretty sad that I have a big ol’ king sized bed, which has been effectively dismantled for the duration of this bedroom restoration project, and my big ass is having to sleep on the matress on the floor. 

So, as you are snuggling into your nice bed tonight, think of me and the dang crick in my neck.