Today’s lesson in European geography begins with the town of Fucking in Austria. It’s located around 50km north of Salzburg, and as you can see by the map below, there are four Fucking Roads to get there:

Fucking residents have been constantly annoyed by British tourists stealing their Fucking signs. But March 31st, 2010 is an amazing day for Fucking. It appears that one Fucking beer company has managed to pass all legal hurdles to begin sending Fucking Hell to England. As Independent author Tony Paterson points out:

The German brand name’s owners point out that the German word “Hell” means “light” when used in conjunction with beer. But they may have underestimated the likely effects of the brand name in Britain where vexed bar staff could soon be facing orders along the lines of: “A pint of Fucking, half a Fucking shandy and a packet of cheese and onion please.”

But as for the widepread availability of this rather controversial product in the United Kingdom, I will certainly give three cheers for Fucking as I raise a bit of Hell.

Normally I try to not watch the news, but my NetFlix movies are on thier way.  Television over the last two days hasn’t been much fun either, so I turned on WBIR.  You can sum up the two hours of newscast to three phrases:  It’s cold drive carefully, The UT basketball made a piss poor decision and there’s an Italian restaurant in the vicinity of Seymour called Willie’s.  If this is the all real news out there why even have a local newscast?  Even the commercials sucked, there has to be more out there…

I was sitting here reading the paper.  Yes, the actual thing, news print on paper that was at one point not post-mortem.  Hmm…  That I believe is a very good description for the newspapers of today.  They’ve softened up just like the rest of the media.  They are slowly becoming pussified, one story at a time.

Well for years, we’ve known the newspaper in Maryville, TN isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.  More importantly, it wasn’t worth the thirty-five cents it once cost to buy it.  The Daily Times remains too biased and never important news.  I suppose it will be forever cursed with the fact that Maryville and Alcoa are small towns.  For the most part, it is similar to the Knoxville News Sentinel, syndication of larger papers or the Associated Press.  Leaving no room really, for what happens down the road or in your own back yard (OMG, since that is what a newspaper is supposed to do.)

The final straw that made me decide that this pussification is now far too widespread happened when I read this post about the Oakland Tribune. 

This paper is moving to start a revolution.  Trying to start a protest for Pete’s sake, all because their civil liberties are being taken away.  This by the way is exactly what they asked for.  George Carlin tried you warn, “you people” about that years ago.  The government, in order to give you the illusion of safety will no doubt, sacrifice a little of your freedom to make you feel safe.

So by all means, send in books that will really change things…  It will send a message…  That all the people involved are major asshats.  I mean do these people think that anyone on Capitol Hill besides maybe Nancy Pelosi is going give a rat’s rear-end?  Much less, would they take the time to read George Orwell’s 1984 again?

The only thing decent out of the whole argument is to try to change the Patriot Act.  It isn’t terrible though, besides the fact, it takes away a few more liberties that I like.  However, one small amendment would be nice…  Give us our copyrights back.  Most places don’t care if it was taken on base or not.  I for one would like any images I record of military items and/or personnel to be mine.  All though I know that this stipulation is already made, there is a complete and total lack of enforcement.  Oh well, I guess that is the problem with many laws… a lack of enforcement (isn’t there a law in place about people with stupid ideas and motivation to start protests which make no since and limiting thier breeding habits?  If they are into limiting civil liberties why not add that?)

This has been Zacque Hitchcock for the Critic’s Corner. 

Since I am a fan of the “News of the Weird,” a column regularly featured in everyone’s favorite free “news” publication in the KnoxVegas MetroPulse, I’ve have decided to share some exceptional news today.

Let us go north, thru Kentucky, Ohio, Michigan, Canadia — okay, maybe not that far — go southwest a little, and bam!  You’re in the Dairy state, Wisconsin.  Then within that state, we come to the lovely little city of Janesville, just on the state line.  Janesville is known as “Wisconsin’s Park Place”, even though it was originally founded on strong industry. Our story however comes from a different line of work entirely, one that is universal to all places nowadays: Real Estate.

Whether you are buying, selling, renting, leasing, or subletting, some truths should just be self-evident.  Never trust anyone who offers a deal that feels to good to be true.

1. Inspect the property.
2. If the neighborhood looks like butt, the property values should not be that high.
3. Don’t be afraid to do a bit of research.
4. Don’t forget, to sell a place, the worst thing you can do is have the actual owner present.  Hire an agent.

I can’t help but want to talk about the last one.  The reasoning behind it is the same as hiring an attorney, since we all now a similar adage:  The man who represents himself has a fool for an attorney.  The owner is too emotionally tied to the property to make a viable sales attempt successful. 

Now that we can be successful, let’s get on with the story.

While on location showing a home from fairfield ct homes for sale to a couple, a real estate agent heard a blood-curdling scream out of the female counterpart.  Assuming it was a mouse the husband and agent walk into the room.  To their surprise, it was not a mouse, but the owner of the property… Deceased.

All I have to say is, “Hey, the owner was trying to do the right thing… he was OUT!”

Today I thought that I would try and be an actual journalist and tell you something useful.  So like many actual “journalists” I will syndicate the news today with my own personal spin.

From three days ago most news publications are trying to give you and update on the Virginia Tech shooting.  The new revelation has to deal with the shooter’s past mental health history. In addition, while in a poetry class, the professor had the shooter removed from class.

Unfortunately, the natural course of events for liberal sissies is taking effect. They are trying to blame lack of gun control as well as awareness for the incedent. Well, I have news for them, gun control is without question two things: 1. Use both hands. 2. Hit what you are aiming for. So those were obviously NOT this kid’s problem. He hit what he was aiming at, probably used both hands and most definately had to be aware of what he was doing. Especially since he went back for seconds.

In other overwhelming sissydom, the Attorney General is in jeopardy of losing his job simply for making a decision and having piss poor evidence to back it up with. Welcome to the real world with the rest of us buddy. God forbid someone in the Government be actually accountable for a mistake they made instead of blaming it on a predessor and spending more money trying to fix the problem, while in reality screwing it up worse than it was originally.

Speaking of problems which are almost beyond repair, the Iraq situation is still ongoing at this point. Well who am I kidding? We as a country are trying to let a group of beauracrats to perform the job of the Commander and Chief. Not what the framers had in mind I think… Leaving the Commander and Chief to do his job is most ideal and will work flawlessly when he has a good head upon his shoulders and is not guilty of previously mentioned money issue in the last story. Oh wait, see bureaucracy again for lack of funding on that one.

And now to your hippy dippy weather man, for all of the hippy dippy weather, man…