It’s no big secret that Twilight is more gay than Zacque’s house key…

If anyone has a spare few of these, please send them my way so that I don’t have to take out a second mortgage on the house just to fill the gas tank.

This could only be possible if your head’s up your ass.

Perhaps Jessica doesn’t care for his incessant references to Star Wars. Perhaps she’s worried about his obsessive attention to fantasy. Perhaps it’s disheartening that he won’t take “no,” for an answer. But the primary reason Jessica doesn’t want to be with him is because he WANTS TO CUT HER OPEN, PULL OUT HER GUTS AND CLIMB INSIDE HER TO KEEP WARM! WHAT THE FUCK?!

With 144,000 friends, Calender Event privacy set to “Family,” Relationship Status set to “Only Me,” and constant friend requests from whackjobs, Jesus would probably hide his Facebook profile. Oh, but there would be a Dislike button.

Tip: Amy @ UrlyBits