On November 10th, 2009, Mark Steel posted the following in the article titled “Video Game Stimulates Consumer Spending“:

An obviously perplexed Obama replied, “Umm…”

This quote, attributed to President Barack Obama, was incorrect. The actual quote was:

“Uhhh, well, yes, I mean, well, umm…”

We know that many people rely on us to give unbiased and impartial treatment to breaking news and sincerely regret this lapse in our journalistic integrity, as it diminishes our credibility.

Still, I can see why our writer made this misquote given the circumstances.

As acting Senior Editor of blogitude.com, I apologize, and thank you for bringing this matter to my attention.

Sincerely,
Richard M. Nixon

[ Editor Mark: You left the “a” of ObamA. 😉 lol ]

     At 12:01AM Tuesday, November 10th, 2009, Infinity Ward’s much lauded video game, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, was released with much fanfare. Retailers such as Gamestop, Walmart and Target have reported record post-midnight sales, with regular sales expected to increase throughout the Holiday season.
     White House economic analysts are baffled at the sudden, unexpected increase in consumer spending, however, the Obama camp is taking credit for the situation nonetheless.

     When President Obama was interrupted during this morning’s back-door meeting with other White House smokers, he was asked how a Video Game manufacturer has managed to stimulate the economy moreso than any amount of Presidential tactics used since his election.
     An obviously perplexed Obama replied, “Umm…”

     Despite this unexpected economic upturn, the Federal rate of umemployment is expected to increase sharply during the next few weeks, especially in males between the ages of 35 and 45 who own an Xbox 360.

     We will attempt to keep you informed of more important economic updates here at blogitude.com.

     Prior to their bombing run in Gaza on New Years Day, Israeli miltary telephoned many residents warning of the impending attacks.  Leaflets dropped in eastern Gaza, sonic missles used as auditory warnings, and soldiers mounting at the borders should have made the attack no surprise.  However, in typical fashion, these warnings were paid no mind, and the resulting devastation has led to a hornet’s nest of anti-Israeli and anti-US sentiment.
     “When you stand in front of a moving train where the conductors are continuously flashing the lights and blowing their steam horns, whose fault is it, really, when you get run over?” asked Sam Kelter, legal and political correspondent at blogitude.com.

     The surgical strike by Israel was largely successful in Gaza, where a militant mosque and more than twenty homes were leveled, homes which reportedly housed Hamas leaders, militants and weapons.  In addition, Hamas militant leader Nizar Rayan, his four wives, and ten of his twelve children were killed, dealing a significant blow to the Hamas power structure in the region.

     Gaza health officials claim more than seventeen hundred are wounded at present.  The United Nations claims that up to twenty-five percent of the dead may be civilians, while Hamas actually verifies that around fifty-percent of its security forces are deceased, along with as many as twenty-five children.  Whether or not these children were in Hamas homes is still unknown.

     The present death toll includes around four hundred people, four thousand sheep, seventy five dogs, twelve monkeys, six geese a-laying, and an unidentified meat puppet which may have been used in a Quiznos commercial.  No cats were injured during the bombing.

     Asked to comment on the situation, upcoming President Barack Obama replied, “Umm, yes, and, umm, I plan, umm, to address, umm, this situation, ummm, when we, ummm, you know, umm, January, ummm, by the end of the, ummm, by tax season.”
     It seems that our only hope of a diplomatic resolution to the situation may be in the verbal skills of future Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, whose previous statements regarding the War on Terrorism were, “I will not rule out the nuclear option.”

     Several people have asked why I keep posting pictures of me flipping people off.

     It’s because I’m fed up with a lot of bullshit from a lot of different sources, as I explained.

     Of course, there’s also the problem, much like when you were a child, where your parents said, “Your face will freeze like that!”

     Well, my finger seems to have frozen like that.

     It doesn’t really matter.

     Everybody flips people off.

     Most of you just do it when you think nobody knows.

     But I know.

     You go in the other room, the door closed between you and the object of your ire.

     You flip them off, while making faces mocking them.

     You look silly.

     So sometimes, you do it in front of the mirror to see how badass you look, on the off chance that you’ll eventually do it for real…

     So don’t act like you’re any different.

     I just happen to be a little more blatant about it.

     So much so, that I’m starting a Regular Column. 😉

     I learned from the best, ya know.

     The FahQ Masters.

     Even my best buddy G.W. does it.

Man, that was a long time ago, huh?

I seem to remember reporters chasing the dog…

Wasn’t this one on the England trip? No wonder…

No idea on this, but it’s more recent, isn’t it?

     So there you have it.  Everybody does it.  Even the Commander in Chief of our Armed Forces, and Supreme Ominous Leader of the Free World.  It’s a great way to relieve stress AND get your point across!

     And if you think that’s classy, those photos are a helluva lot more tame than the ones of Clinton shoving half his arm up his nose to pull the cocaine residue out of his corroded sinuses, or the ones of Obama whispering, “Michelle, you better not fuck this up or I’ll have your ass, bitch!”

     I mean, the nerve… *shakes head*

NASHVILLE, TN (Via the Web) – Nashville Investigators and Lawmakers who are using video from the website of porn star Barbie Cummings in order to file charges against Tennessee Highway Patrol Officer Moss are now being surreptitiously released from employment for browsing porn sites from a State Government-funded network.

The former employees are filing wrongful termination suits based on the fact that they were only doing their jobs in investigating the antics of Officer Moss.  However, the fact that they “somehow” knew where to find the video implicating the officer places “cart before horse” doubt on their litigation.

When asked about the merits of the former employees cases, State Defense Attorney, I. P. Freely responded, “Was it the chicken or the egg who came first?”

Attorney for the plaintiffs, I. M. Stoned, quickly retorted, “That’s totally irrelevant!  It was CLEARLY Officer Moss who came first!”

Also in the works, Governor Bredesen’s personal admin assistant, Anita Goodlay, and an additional female staff member known only “the one with the big tits,” have filed Sexual Harrassment charges against the Governor after being wrongfully terminated for refusing to, “Come here and check this out!”