Posts Tagged with "sex"

A Terrible Track Record

April 30th, 2008 at 1:43 am by Zacque
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So, as of late we here at blogitude.com have not been writing as frequently as we should.  Although I think it might have something to with the fact some of us got caught up in our own lives.  So I will take the first step in order to break the silence.  I have to offer two funny articles: the first on why unothodox Christians would never breed if they truly followed their own ideas  (Yay! No more Temple Baptist Church, School, or Crown College); the second more condom news!

Whack, Unwrap, and Enjoy!

Tip: Thanks to Beth for the links.

Phone Sex, Anyone?

January 5th, 2008 at 10:17 pm by Mark
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     No, not with me, you pervs!

     Watch the videos…

     All blonde jokes aside, and, speaking of cell phones …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyplIC9Nb3E

     In case you don’t know French … “Think before you commit.  Nomad — The mobile without contracts.”

     And, last but not least … Two guys in the locker room …

     Not sex, you say?  How often do you see someone get totally f#$*ed by a cell phone?!  Well, as opposed to getting f#$*ed by the carrier — that happens all the time…

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A Question of Style and Usefulness

December 28th, 2007 at 10:58 am by Zacque
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In our lovely world of the internets, full of mountains and mountains of pornography, it is nice to see that some still have a sense of humor.  Today, when children are having children or people have them out of wedlock (thanks Mark), and I have to work to support them,  I am glad to see that the condom has not gone out of style and is versatile and can be used for many things as shown in the following video.

(tip: thanks to B.J. Hitchcock for the clip.)

And just in case you weren’t convinced to use a condom or some other method of birth control before…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWkZ_StRjU0

Now with your help, we can be one step closer to a balanced budget!

Never Forget Nirodh

December 28th, 2007 at 10:51 am by Mark
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Nirodh will be very important on New Years Eve.

No, not Nimrod — Nirodh.

WTF is Nirodh, you’re asking?

This educational video from Hyderabad, India expains it all…

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44IFYB1icx0)

In retrospect, “Nimrod” might apply, too.  And no, I wasn’t being punny — jeez, get your mind outta the gutter, will ya?

But … I think the pink one is gay, especially at 04:18…

Tip: Zacque, actually… but he didn’t wanna post it.  Ahh, but then he did.  Then… Who knows.

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Drunk Wine & Sleepin’ on the Job

December 12th, 2007 at 1:56 pm by Diva
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We generally have friends over on Saturday nights. Not because we don’t dig going out, because we do. But going out all the time does tend to get old, plus you have to worry about the PO-PO pullin your ass over in the middle of the night.

Of course, I’m a spoiled, lucky girl. I have a designated driver at all times and I dig it. Regardless of that, it’s nice just to stay in, cook a smorgassboard of tasty good stuff and drink hot toddies or beer or wine or Jack….

Well, on tap for the past weekend’s buffet was pork tenderloin, rosemary potatoes, steamed snow peas and a variety of other crap.

I must say, I’ve never cooked a tenderloin before and I rocked the balls out of it. Baked it sloooooow in the oven, double wrapped in foil filled with every herb you can think of. After being on slow bake for 3 hours, I jerked that badboy out of the foil and slung it on the grill… G-R-U-B!!

Everybody ate way too damn much.

I, of course, was no exception. Quite the contrary. I started drinkin whilst cooking. The flavor of the day was Meridian Chardonnay, mighty good.

I asked Big T to open me the first bottle and it was on. Between me and Taucha, we polished off close to three bottles. A little much.

I paced myself, like a professional New Orleans drinker. Sipping all night long. It’s hard to tell how much wine one has consumed when one’s glass never quite gets empty before somebody happens by to freshen it.

So, it’s 1:00am, and everybody is leaving. I had been giving Big T the eye and making obscene gestures toward him all night. REOW… come here big daddy.

He was sitting on the couch in the love den, when I crawled up in his lap and made close up obscene gestures at him before departing with my clothes and heading toward the bed. I knew it was a matter of 1.8 seconds before he’d be following me that way.

Woooo! I was feeling my oats. I was gonna tear his ass up. I was gonna make him scream my name and write bad checks. I was gonna make him beg for mercy.
Let the makin out and major league cannoooodlin begin!

I kiss my way down into a desireable spot. Somehow, don’t ask me how… I passed out. His goodies right in front of me and I pass out. Of course at first, he thought I was thinking or taking a breather….

He taps me on the head. “Baby, are you ok? If you’re gonna go to sleep, release that and get on a pillow.”

“I’m not asleep. Swear I’m not.” As I sit up and leave a drool puddle on his belly. “Ok, so I might have been asleep.”

“That’s ok, baby. Go to sleep.”

So I did.

Well, I woke up to him staring at me. “Gotta hang over?”

My head was spinnin, “Hell ya. I’m dehydrated and my head’s spinnin.”

“Why don’t you go back to sleep?” He picked. “You do remember falling asleep last night, right?”

All day long, kids, I had to hear him slip in little comments about my inability to handle my alcohol and still be sexually fucntional. I mean, granted, it was all in fun, but how embarrassing is that?

“Sorry, baby. I swear I’ll never drink again.” Rolling my eyes. “Gimme some aspirin.”

“Yah. Yah.” He gets me aspirin, “You know you got yours and you were done, ready to go to sleep. Sometimes I think our roles in this marriage are jacked the hell up.”

“I know, huh? I spit, burp, and fart better than you.” Smiling at him like the cat that ate the canary.

Pick on me again some more.