A drunken New Zealander came home after a binge carrying a sheep under his arm. He walked into the bedroom where his wife stared at him from the bed. “Sweetheart, this is the pig I’ve been sleeping with every night,” he announced.

Staring at him disgust, the wife yelled, “That’s a sheep, not a pig, you drunken fool!”

“I was talking to the sheep,” he replied dryly.

It’s always good to have career ambitions.

The least he could do is eat it. The best he could do is finish.

Shoot first, and ask questions later seems to be the trend of the average Stormtrooper. That must lead to real letdowns…

I suppose saying, “When I think about marriage counseling, I always think of Safeway,” might be a little more socially acceptable than saying, “That’s what she said.”