Author Archive for Novia

Kinky Party at Home Depot

May 1st, 2014 at 1:05 pm by Novia
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Home Depot apparently has party favors on aisle 15!

Home Depot: "Hardware Aisle 15 - Libricants, Rope & Chain, Screws, Tie Downs"

The Truth Isn’t Always Pretty

March 17th, 2014 at 9:13 pm by Novia
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Be honest. I have faith that you can sit there right now and think of at least one person whose favorite shade of lipstick is “penis.”

I don't see any penises the general vicinity... So I'm wondering why you keep opening your fucking mouth.

International Disturbed People’s Day

March 16th, 2014 at 7:32 pm by Novia
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Just a note to some of my special friends…

Today is International Disturbed People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to a distrubed friend just like I have done.  I don't care if you lick the windows, take the special bus or occasionally pee yourself. You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin special.

Wanna Stay in Chicago?

March 16th, 2014 at 5:28 pm by Novia
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Guns are illegal in Chicago. Aaand that’s the problem!

Come to Chicago For the Food. Stay Because You Got Murdered.

95 Year Old Woman with Carry Permit

March 12th, 2014 at 5:10 pm by Novia
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Exactly!

A state trooper stopped a 95 year old woman on Interstate 20, and noticed as he was checking her drivers license, that she had a concealed carry permit. He said got any guns with you ma'am? She said yes, a 45 Smith & Wesson in the glove compartment, a 357 magnum in the console and a 38 special in my purse. The trooper said LADY what are you scared of. She said.... NOT A DAMN THING!