Author Archive for Novia

Kinky Party at Home Depot

May 1st, 2014 at 1:05 pm by Novia
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Home Depot apparently has party favors on aisle 15!

Home Depot: "Hardware Aisle 15 - Libricants, Rope & Chain, Screws, Tie Downs"

The Truth Isn’t Always Pretty

March 17th, 2014 at 9:13 pm by Novia
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Be honest. I have faith that you can sit there right now and think of at least one person whose favorite shade of lipstick is “penis.”

I don't see any penises the general vicinity... So I'm wondering why you keep opening your fucking mouth.

International Disturbed People’s Day

March 16th, 2014 at 7:32 pm by Novia
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Just a note to some of my special friends…

Today is International Disturbed People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to a distrubed friend just like I have done.  I don't care if you lick the windows, take the special bus or occasionally pee yourself. You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin special.

Wanna Stay in Chicago?

March 16th, 2014 at 5:28 pm by Novia
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Guns are illegal in Chicago. Aaand that’s the problem!

Come to Chicago For the Food. Stay Because You Got Murdered.

Wal-Mart.com USA, LLC

95 Year Old Woman with Carry Permit

March 12th, 2014 at 5:10 pm by Novia
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Exactly!

A state trooper stopped a 95 year old woman on Interstate 20, and noticed as he was checking her drivers license, that she had a concealed carry permit. He said got any guns with you ma'am? She said yes, a 45 Smith & Wesson in the glove compartment, a 357 magnum in the console and a 38 special in my purse. The trooper said LADY what are you scared of. She said.... NOT A DAMN THING!