Yes, Eddie Vedder Still Sucks

June 12th, 2007 at 3:02 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

     If I ever meet Eddie Vedder, I wanna slap him down with the corpse of Jimi Hendrix … Then beat them both to a greasy mash with a giant baseball bat bearing the word “ANNUNCIATE!” in giant block letters, written with a permanent Sharpie…

     But that’s just me. *shrug* 

     I feel justified, having put up with him in three bands which sound exactly the same (collectively known as “Stone Pilots of the Pearl Temple Dog Jam”), and a solo carreer that’s long past its expiry date…

     But, in all fairness, at least we see eye-to-eye on one thing:  I don’t want a whale in a box or a bag, either.

     Anton and I were watching the Flash-based predecessor to this final product a few weeks ago, and making some serious fun of Eddie Vedder’s lack of … English?  Which is sort of ironic, I think, considering how often Anton and I put captions on cat photos

Tip: Dame Wiggins of Lee, who finally gets it: When all else fails, laugh!


25 Responses to “Yes, Eddie Vedder Still Sucks”

  1. diva Says:

    Thanks for clearing that up for me, babe!
    Makes complete sense with the visual aids!!!

  2. damewiggy Says:

    potato wave!!

    (god that shit cracks me up!)

  3. Zacque Says:

    Couldn’t be more true… Stoned Pilots of Pearl Temple Dog Jam is more like it.

  4. Mark Says:

    Although I don’t partake of controlled substances (nor uncontrolled, past a few strong drinks), I know plenty of brilliant artists who do. For that reason, I’m inclined to think Real Stoners would write better stuff … 😉

  5. Earvolution Says:

    I somehow totally missed Eddie’s solo career!

  6. Marion Says:

    Wow it’s a shame that you haven’t been blessed with a sense of sound for one of the rock bands of all time! I feel sorry for your misery!

  7. Mark Says:

    It’s a shame that you haven’t been blessed with a sense of humor, or the ability to insert a descriptive adjective between “one of the” and “rock bands.” I feel sorry for your misery. 😉

  8. poo poo pie Says:

    This was pretty funny, but if I didn’t know you were taking the piss out of em, I’d think you were a bit ignorant naming three different bands with radically different sounding singers as the same person. That, and I don’t see why a few people out of so many can’t hear what he’s saying. I think that these people just have lazy ears, because I’ve never heard him sound like any of these mocking parody singers.

  9. poo poo pie Says:

    And, controlled substances don’t make you write anything good. When you’re stoned, you’re a passive, blank fucking moron. What’re you gonna write? Maybe a weird, humorously fucked up cartoon plot, but not a poetic, memorable song. Name some of these artists, so I can baw at your ignorance.

    Artists can’t even function on drugs like heroin, and one of my favorite artists whose written many songs based loosely around addiction has said that he couldn’t write while high. (RIP, and god bless you man.)

  10. Mark Says:

    Wow. I was taking the piss, and yeah, got a little creative.

    But… I’d say you were a bit ignorant never having heard Temple of the Dog’s first album (featuring four tracks with none other than Eddie “Mr. Mumble” Vedder), nor noticed the ridiculous similarity on Stone Temple Pilots “Plush” or “Interstate Love Song” — two songs which Vedder has made many a smart-ass statement about, so I decided to lump it in there, too.

    So yeah, Stone Pilots of the Pearl Temple Dog Jam.

    Personally, I don’t wanna be a fanboy and sit and meditate on methadone-laced mumblings which might be mistaken for metaphor. Most of the music I listen to is enjoyed while driving down the interstate at 90mph, and the roar of the wind in the open window is good enough to drown out any car stereo.

    But, I’ll be sure and say, “Hey!” to Johnny Cash when I make it to Hell.

  11. Your 2nd grade teachr Says:

    It’s spelled “enunciate”. Here’s a small fact for you: Jimi plays guitar better than you can spell.

    Next time don’t drop out of 2nd grade.

  12. Mark Says:

    An attempt at brilliance. I wondered when someone might notice.

    The use of the word “annunciate” or “enunciate” is confusing to most people for many reasons, considering both words share the Latin root which means, “to make known.” Quite honestly, it depends how punny you want to make it.

    As for Jimi Hendrix, I said nothing about his guitar ability, simply about his vocals. But your premise is also completely incorrect, given that Jimi Hendrix can’t play guitar at all. He’s been dead for many years.

    Lastly, I’d just like to point out that your attempt at a sarcastic, base attack falls quite flat, considering.

    I mean …

    You can’t even spell “teacher.”

  13. Bem Says:

    shut up. eddie vedder is an amazing singer. these “misheard lyrics” videos are a joke. nobody actually thinks that thats what it sounds like. its just for laughs. actually listen to all of his music and you will love it. i always heard of “that pearl jam band” and thought they were tools. but he is amazing. oceans, last kiss, jeremy, amazing songs. and they all mean something. and bitching because someone misspelled teacher? grow the fuck up, the only people who complain about spelling on the internet are spoiled little kids. its annoying and noone thinks your intelligent for it. anyone want to tell me otherwise, email me at i wanna hear the other side of this argument.

  14. Mark Says:

    Excuse you. Who was bitching about spelling?

    *pats idiot on head*

    Would you like fries with that?

  15. Zacque Says:

    There is something to be said for publicity, any publicity is good publicity. Personally I cannot stand Eddie Vedder but find this post to be hilarious, my wife, an Eddie Vedder fan loves it as well. Seriously, I think the one who needs to grow up is you, Bem.

  16. Zacque Says:

    On a total side note, waving potatoes make better french fries…

  17. Zacque Says:

    Eddie Vedder would not approve of stoned temples with wavy french fries, man….

    Yes, Zacque’s wife (that’s me) is a fan of the Veddernator (how I refer to him) and I very much enjoy the soundtrack to Into the Wild. However, arguing about whether the Veddernator is a good musician or sucks hippie balls is lame-o. If Jello Biafra were reading this blog segment, he would be telling all of us to fuck off.

  18. PearlJamAwful Says:

    Eddie Vedder sucks so bad that it hurts when one of his songs comes on in public. Has anyone come up with some good places to duck into when this happens? How did someone that sings worse than a dying cow become a singer? Oh! That’s right, it happened in A-M-E-R-I-C-A!!! The land of the free! Thank you free enterprise, uhhhggg, another song just came on…

  19. rammsteinfan Says:

    compare ed’s writing to Till Lundemann’s. what a joke ed is. this is just a simple song written to rammstein’s fans:

    We stick together
    We endure one another
    We hold onto one another
    No one holds us back

    We stay faithful to you
    We firmly hold onto that
    And obey the rules
    If you leave rules to us*

    And the shark, that has tears
    And they run from the face
    But the shark lives in water
    So no one can see the tears

    We keep our speed
    We keep our word
    If one can’t keep up
    Then we immediately stop

    We keep our eyes open
    We hold each other by the arm
    Six hearts that burn
    The fire keeps you warm

    And the shark, that has tears
    And they run from the face
    But the shark lives in water
    So no one can see the tears

    In the deep it is lonely
    And so many a tear is shed
    And it so happens that the water
    In the oceans is salty

    You can think of us
    Whatever you want
    We get compensation
    We never keep still

    And the shark, that has tears
    And they run from the face
    But the shark lives in water
    So no one can see the tears

    In the deep it is lonely
    And so many a tear is shed
    And it so happens that the water
    In the oceans is salty

    And the shark, that has tears
    And they run from the face
    But the shark lives in water
    So no one can see the tears

  20. EjV Says:

    [Editor: “Your 2nd grade teachr” sounded more intelligent the second time. Thank God for Microsoft Word, huh? Except you couldn’t quit while you were ahead and just had to add in a bit more… I ‘cd’ go on for hours.]

    rammstein?? lmao!! …and if those are poetic lyrics to you rammsteinfan, then I dunno whether to continue laughing or to cry for your sorry arse!

    If anyone here (looking at u Mark) bothered to dig behind the song posted here, for all to make fun of, then none of you would even bother commenting. Accusing Eddie of mumbling and providing this song as evidence is redundant.

    The video in itself is funny to someone who knows the story behind the song and what is meant when it’s performed. But the post, well ….. and its author….well…I’m guessing many wouldn’t care if you turned up in a box or a bag. But that’s just me *no shrug*

    And btw ‘annunciate’ and ‘enunciate’, though they can both mean ‘to announce’, do not share the same root word in Latin. And no matter how “punny” (!) you make it, the context of your post suggests you meant ‘enunciate’ and just fecked up the spelling! Get a new dictionary or stop using or, better still, use the word ‘articulate’ – no words u cd confuse that with 😉

  21. Vulgus Says:

    He’s right the latin root is nutiare. But you should get a sense of humor.

  22. Lalo Says:

    comparing rammstein lyrics with Eddi’s writting

    That has to be a joke
    Eddie makes passionate poetry
    rammstein simply doesnt.

    Dont get me wrong, I like rammstein, but the lyrics are childish, simplistic, with some @emotion@ yea, but not too elaborated, nothing any of us couldnt make.
    Now listen to Black of Pearl Jam…difference? yup exactly.

  23. Brian Says:

    Eddie Vedder is a malignant narcissit and a fake. The biggest fake in music.

  24. Paul Says:

    He finds himself with his hands down his pants and a needle in his arm

    I bet his kids see this shit, yeah daddy is a junkie nutcase hunny, and you have brain damage from being made from the piece of white trash junkie!

  25. Eddie is a God Says:

    [Editor: Bring it, douche.]

    To the man who insulted eddie vedder, i’ll kill you