Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Free Snowman!

December 23rd, 2012 at 8:41 pm by Mark
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If IKEA did have a snowman, they’d still figure out how to make it have shitty aluminum legs to scratch the Hell out everything…

Free Snowman (some assembly required) from IKEA

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Watch Your Step

December 22nd, 2012 at 7:32 pm by Mark
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I can think of one person whose yard needs this sign. But at least it’s so cold now you can avoid the steamy spots in the yard…

Watch your step. There's Pooh everywhere.

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Wishing Everyone a Happy and Safe Apocalypse!

December 21st, 2012 at 10:36 pm by Mark
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From all of us here at blogitude.com, we hope you’ve had a happy and safe Apocalypse!

We’d also like to leave you with a friendly reminder that the Mayan calendar ended today, December 21st, 2012. So if you happen to have any Mayan friends, a new calendar would make an excellent Holiday gift!

Two Mayan Guys: "Wanna grab a tequila?" "Well, I'm working on this calender, but I guess if I don't finish it, it won't be the end of the world..."

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Proof That it’s Not the End of the World

December 20th, 2012 at 5:15 pm by Mark
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The Mayans might’ve finished their calendar if the Spanish hadn’t wiped them out… Besides, it’s already 12-21-2012 everywhere east of Israel.

Your Argument is Invalid. Mayan Calendar: Expires 21-Dec-2012. Oreo: Expires 13-Jul-2013.

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The Most Annoying Day in Facebook History?

December 19th, 2012 at 5:02 pm by Mark
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I disagree with the sentiment that 21-Dec-2012 will be the most annoying day in Facebook history, especially given that on 22-Dec-2012, no less than two hundred million idiots will be pretending that at least half of their “friends” actually believe the hype about the Mayan calendar and the end of the world, and smugly gloating, “See? I told you morons there would be no Apocalypse!”

Besides, everyone knows the Most Annoying Day in Facebook History was the day this asshat started a Facebook fan page…

December 21st, 2012 will be the most annoying day in Facebook history.

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