Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Counterfeit $40 Bills?

February 22nd, 2014 at 5:44 pm by Mark
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I once tried to pay for my coffee at Dunkin Donuts with two Kennedy fifty-cent coins. I say tried because they told me, “We don’t accept foreign currency.”

Subway: We Only Hire the Best.  "At noon on Aug. 1 a Subway employee reported that a customer was attempting to pass a counterfiet $40 bill. Police found the currency, a $50 bill, was genuine."

You’re Outside for a Smoke, and Then…

February 21st, 2014 at 9:12 pm by Mark
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So what do you call this — a Lucky Strike? It’s certainly not a Camel, is it?

Well, that leprechaun is fucked...

Tip: Kimberly, via Facebook

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Smelly Balls?

February 21st, 2014 at 7:11 pm by Mark
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In another country, I once saw a restaurant selling, “Smelly Fish Balls” — a nasty, deep-fried treat of fish skins, salt and flour. Seems like they were 99 pence, too…

Smelly Balls - 99p

What’s That on Your Chin?

February 21st, 2014 at 5:06 pm by Mark
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Sounds like something that could happen after kissing the boss’s ass too much, too often…

XP Login: shitchin

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How to Keep a Woman Happy?

February 21st, 2014 at 3:48 pm by Mark
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They say, those who can’t do teach, so this professor is forever alone. 😉

Professor: "And that class is how to keep a woman happy."