Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

The Walking Dead: A Beard Historical

February 9th, 2014 at 6:02 pm by Mark
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I’m wondering where Daryl Dixon plugs in his clippers during the Zombie Apocalypse.

The Walking Dead Beard Evolution, featuring Rick, Daryl, Hershel and Glenn.

Hello Kitty Does WHAT?

February 9th, 2014 at 5:03 pm by Mark
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Sometimes, it’s better just to walk away rather than comment. Today is one of those days.

Target Price Tag: "DVD Video, Hello Kitty Eats her V, 9.99"  Grumpy Cat's Response: "No. Err... Wait.. What?"

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Bad Cell Phone Pickup Lines

February 8th, 2014 at 9:05 pm by Mark
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This is the type of guy to try and, “rearrange the alphabet to put U and I together.” She wouldn’t, because “N and O are already together.”

Cell Text: "There's 20 letters in the alphabet right?"  Girl: "No 26" Boy: "Ok I forgot U R A Q T" Girl: "That's only 25" Boy: "I'll give you the D later" Girl: "Lose my number"

Imagine That Blind Date…

February 8th, 2014 at 7:15 pm by Mark
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     “I don’t like analysts,” she said.
     “I’m a Systems Analyst, not a behavioral analyst,” I replied.
     “Good,” she replied, sounding relieved. “Because the last guy I went out with put the ‘the’ in psychotherapist.”

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Another Disturbing Pickup Line

February 8th, 2014 at 5:35 pm by Mark
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Nothing screams “sexy beast!” like a bottle of Grey Goose, a pull-out couch and a framed (bad) pickup line done in needlepoint by your grandchild-craving mother.

"The couch pulls out but I don't."