After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy.
Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.
January 14th, 2014 at 10:02 am by Mark
Tags: camels, drinking, go home, hump day
Have you ever mistaken a Thursday for Friday and completely screwed up your entire day because of it?

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January 13th, 2014 at 4:49 pm by Mark
Tags: candy, cdo, Mental disorders, ocd, walmart
Some people have OCD so badly, they have to alphabetize is as CDO.

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January 12th, 2014 at 1:51 pm by Mark
Tags: dating, manual, relationships, sarcasm, understanding, women
I thought, “This is great! Apparently I’ve been clueless for 40-something years!” When I tried to buy one, there was no price tag, no one could tell me how much it cost, and they repeatedly insisted on quoting the terms and conditions of purchase. 😉

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January 11th, 2014 at 5:06 pm by Mark
Tags: potato chips, prostitution, sarcasm, your mom
If she had a sign that said, “Lays, $5,” she could have been selling potato chips…

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January 10th, 2014 at 5:02 pm by Mark
Tags: abuse, asshats, Beer, drinking, marriage, sammich, squirrels
Meanwhile, in crazy land…
It was, in fact, a ceramic squirrel, and the entire thing happened because the guy didn’t bring his wife back any beer. He was also, in fact, in the kitchen, unsupervised, making his own damn sammich when the attack occurred.
This story is starting to sound eerily familiar… But I digress. *cough*

Note: Courtesy of NBC 9, Story at NBC 2
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