Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

What Day is This?

January 14th, 2014 at 10:02 am by Mark
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Have you ever mistaken a Thursday for Friday and completely screwed up your entire day because of it?

Do You Know What Day It Is?  It's Tuesday! Go Home Camel. You're Drunk.

Having OCD Sucks

January 13th, 2014 at 4:49 pm by Mark
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Some people have OCD so badly, they have to alphabetize is as CDO.

Having OCD Sucks

Stock Photos

New Book: Understanding Women

January 12th, 2014 at 1:51 pm by Mark
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I thought, “This is great! Apparently I’ve been clueless for 40-something years!” When I tried to buy one, there was no price tag, no one could tell me how much it cost, and they repeatedly insisted on quoting the terms and conditions of purchase. 😉

The Book "Understanding Women" has finally arrived in book stores.

Random “Your Mom” Jokes

January 11th, 2014 at 5:06 pm by Mark
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If she had a sign that said, “Lays, $5,” she could have been selling potato chips…

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Stabbed With a Squirrel?

January 10th, 2014 at 5:02 pm by Mark
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Meanwhile, in crazy land…

It was, in fact, a ceramic squirrel, and the entire thing happened because the guy didn’t bring his wife back any beer. He was also, in fact, in the kitchen, unsupervised, making his own damn sammich when the attack occurred.

This story is starting to sound eerily familiar… But I digress. *cough*

Wife Stabs Husband With Squirrel

Note: Courtesy of NBC 9, Story at NBC 2