Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Don’t Let This Happen to You!

February 14th, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Mark
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They know you’re not a mind reader. That’s why they’ve mentioned what they want over and over and over — and they will tell you that when you come home with nothing!

I hate Valentine’s Day, she said. It’s just an overblown, sexist holiday specifically designed to make men spend money on things they should be doing year-round, she said.

Unsure of What to Get Her For Valentine’s Day?

February 14th, 2013 at 3:03 pm by Mark
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It’s 3PM, and you haven’t gotten her a Valentine’s Day gift yet? Problem solved!

Tell her you already got her something and have her guess what it is. She'll probably list some things she's been wanting.

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

How to Make Your Own Bacon

February 13th, 2013 at 10:03 pm by Mark
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Mmm, Bacon! Not done yet

Bacon Seed

The Racist, Homophobic Supermarket

February 13th, 2013 at 7:41 pm by Mark
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I won’t be shopping here again! Aisle Five was Italian, and Aisle One was Fruits!

Supermarket: Mexican, Chinese, Crackers

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An Irrational and a Rational Go to Therapy…

February 12th, 2013 at 5:47 pm by Mark
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Though she blames Pi for the breakdown of the relationship, she doesn’t often mention how she found 3 to be far more rational and much easier to deal with when trying to multiply…

Wife of Pi: "He's irrational and he goes on and on..."