Seriously, watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCPiCeiM3Kc

Given that the now much-less-than-anonymous-but-was-before-she-opened-her-mouth-on-national-television Cathy Cruz Marrero of Reading, PA is going to sue because, “Nobody came to my aid,” and “There was nothing for me to hold onto,” then perhaps she should be able to reasonably explain some things …

Namely, why does she lift her leg before she goes in?  And why does she walk off, quickly, apparently needing no assistance whatsoever?  And … if it’s so embarrassing, then why embarrass yourself further by making a frivolous lawsuit over what is clearly a staged accident?

Can you say, “I hate my employers!” boys and girls?

I knew you could.

In any event, if you do have a specific case that’s valid and purely the fault of something or someone else, you ca consult a qualified lawyer to see how much you can claim in damages.

When I first saw the book, Wii for Dummies, back in 2008, I thought, “Wow. Steve Jobs has finally succeeded in making the world a technologically illiterate place.” However, this book, Wii Fitness for Dummies, is less than two months old.

Even though the book requires the common sense of a Politician to be at all practical, there are apparently people in the world who are unable to grasp such taxing concepts as putting their foot on a big white button.

For those people, I would suggest that they also purchase future “Dummies” titles, including, Using a Power Button for Dummies, Putting Two Feet in Front of the Other for Dummies and Pouring Liquids Into Smaller Containers for Dummies. And, of course, if you enjoy those, perhaps you’ll also enjoy my forthcoming title, Zen in the Art of Wiping Your Own Ass: A Life Primer for Those Who Think Stepping on a Big White Button is Your Key to Personal Fitness..

So I came up with this ridiculous story about how I kicked the dog and how it was pissing everywhere and barking and what an asshole I am.  The kicker was that I don’t have a dog and that I was at my neighbors house.  Well, after getting through the second sentence I came to realize that only an asshole would find that kind of shit funny.  So what does that make me?  Not this asshole – that’s for sure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_KBs3znjWs

This guy is surely one of the World’s Biggest Asshats…

The smellier the fumes the smaller the load?

Ponderance:  I’ve had a user account on this site for what feels to be like EONS and I now realize that I’ve only really blogged about poo, jiz, asshats, random destruction, and other rants regarding mundane bullshit.  Why hasn’t anyone revoked my rights?  What does this say about the administrator?  Why are we here?  Why do we have to listen to the likes of Barry Manilow?  And most importantly, who is Tom Cruise?

     I notice a great many people aren’t sleeping.  Everyone keeps looking for the elusive Mr. Sandman.  Even Glenn has complained, blaming Hulu for his lack of sleep.  But no one has considered the fact that I may be behind it all.
     As a rather undelightful pair of asshats have already pointed out, I am Pure Evil™.  It’s okay to say that, because I’m used to it.  That fact was always reinforced by my mother, who claims that I am the Antichrist.  Although, I’m pretty sure Revelations 17:4 says what that makes her… 
     And since someone else pointed out that everything is my fault, I figured I might as well come clean for the sake of conspiracy.

     The fact is, I’m holding Mr. Sandman for ransom until my demands are met.

     My demands are simple, and finite.  First, I need Remastered editions of the complete works of Ella Fitzgerald and The Ink Spots.  Second, I need a the Xbox version of Flashpoint: Dragon Rising.  Third, I need safe passage to London, England, where I have some old business to take care of.

     And lastly, if you all ever want to sleep again, one meeeeeeellion dollars.
     *holds pinky to side of mouth*

     Yeah, not buying it?  Me, either.  I’m just not arrogant enough to even pull that kind of shit.