I’ve been observing a lot lately, as well.  Watching the wildlife flirt and shoot each other down like crazy.  But it seems more and more like Women have the upper hand since I was in the dating crowd… In fact, they’re as bad as I remember guys acting back in the 80’s.
     So, for all you guys out there thinking about getting back into the dating scene, here’s a translation guide of the Top 10 things Men Hear that Women Say When Dating.

10. Man hears, “We Need to talk.” Woman means, “I’m gonna talk. You’re gonna shut the fuck up.”

09. Man hears, “I don’t want to have sex.” Woman means, “I don’t want to have sex WITH YOU.”

08. Man hears, “I don’t want to fight.” Woman means, “I’m gonna hurt you, so if your balls mean anything, they better stay more than an arm’s length away.”

07. Man hears, “No, I’m not mad.” Woman means, “In fact, I’m absolutely seething and I’m going probably going to go Lorraina Bobbit on your ass, so don’t fall asleep.”

06. Man hears, “I don’t want any drama!” Woman means, “I *am* the drama!”

05. Man hears, “I’m very family oriented.” Woman means, “I’d *like* to be family oriented, but I hate my family. Can I have yours?”

04. Man hears, “I’m STD free.” Woman means, “Except for the oral herpes, which you’ll find out about in three months.”

03. Man hears, “I’m bi-curious.” Woman means, “I’m gonna fuck a woman whether you’re there or not, because you are male, and therefore SHIT!”

02. Man hears, “Can we just sit down and have a civil conversation?” Woman means, “You sit there and be civil while I berate and call you an asshole, especially if you ask any questions trying to understand the crazy shit coming out of my mouth!”

01. Man hears, “I love you.” Woman means, “OMG, you turn me on…! Oh, god! Oh, god! Oh, god! Oh my god, that was fucking incredible! Now get out…”

     Tongue in cheek. Come on, you know some of them were funny. Don’t hate me for my dry sense of humor. 😉

     And do keep in mind … results may vary.

To find out how you too, can participate in The Monday Melee, please read the main Monday Melee page, grab The Monday Melee logo (and view the participant list too).

A step is a stumble forward prevented from becoming a fall by taking another step.

–Bart Green

1. The Magnificent: Name someone you absolutely adore, and tell us why.

     Well she knows who she is. (Sorry guys, this week you’re outta luck.)

2. The Muddy: Tell us something about life you just don’t “get”.

     Political B.S., Martha Stewart, Attorney’s fees, Bad drivers, Kentucky basketball, Tossed Salad, Unhappy campers, Boring girls, Intriguing girls, and Other people.

3. The Magnetic: Name something or someone good (or bad) you’re drawn to and you just can’t help it. Tell us if you want to change this or not.

     Money, I need it. It wants me to spend it. I can’t change that.

4. The Mainstay: Who or what is something you just can’t live without? Why?

     Love. It only takes one to light the whole world on fire.

5. The Masquerade: Tell us something about yourself we wouldn’t already know.

     I feel needed.

6. The Mettle: Tell us about a time you showed courage in yourself, or tell us what you wish you had the courage to do.

     I wish i could actually make a success of my business endeavors. It is an on going struggle but I may make it to move into something else.

Now it’s your turn.

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It has come to my attention by way of massive amounts of subversive hinting — and some hints that were blatant — that I should share some knowledge in this area.  Mind you, this advice is only aimed at a choice few to include 90 percent of the clueless dating population: men or boys as the case may be from the ages of 18-65; Women from the ages of 18-50; and anyone else who just can’t seem to get their luck up. However, for men, it shouldn’t take that long, there’s a lot of website like girlfriendactivationsystemreview.net which guide you step by step how to win woman’s heart. (On the off chance, you go to church on a regular basis; the previous statement should be “laid” instead of luck.)

Rule number 1:  Remember to reference the dating blogs. Pay special attention to Flirting 101, Flirting 102, and Flirting 103.  If you are like me, do a search for dating through that lovely search bar in the right corner of the screen.  The ones that reference dating in a more depressing light are there for a reason, too.  After all, “a step is a stumble forward, prevented from becoming a fall by taking another step” –Barton Green.

2.  Listen to your best friends.  Deep down, whether you choose to see it or not, they really do have your best interests at heart.

3.  Listen to your best friends.  They can also be a viable judge of character when your judgment clouds. Therefore, this point gets two spots instead of one.

4.  Pay yourself first; never jump in to a relationship where you cannot gain something.  However, with that said you should always be willing to give in order to receive.

5.  Cleanliness is next to Godliness.  Without roots there can be no foundation, if you are trying to sell yourself to someone else you must present your best self.

6.  Treat anyone and everyone with respect.  If you do not respect the person or persons you are trying to court, how can you expect them to treat you any different?

7.  Be patient.  If you are just like your horoscope tells you to be, good things happen to those who wait.

8.  Don’t be afraid to make the first move.  Other people do not know what you are thinking; they are not mind readers.  For the same reason, do not take it too far.  If you ask for dinner, pay for it and have dinner.  More can, and most likely will, come later. 😉

9.  Talk and speak your mind.  If you just get down to business, it is nothing but a one-night stand.  You have to figure out who the other person is and whether or not you are compatible (i.e.: can you live with one another in your lives?).

10.  Keep business and pleasure as simply that.  Then, if one or the other goes awry, you still have some sort of relationship you can salvage.

With this advice, you are now ready to embark back into the dating society of intellectual beings, no matter what their leanings may be in either the bedroom or the political arena.  As there will be further additions to this post, do not forget to keep posted.

God bless, good night, and good luck.

     I’ve known some amazingly nutty women, but this news story made me realize I’m not alone.

Police say that on June 14, the woman put Visine in the 32-year-old male friend’s drink without his consent, causing him to suffer vomiting, rectal bleeding and difficulty breathing…

On July 6, police said, the woman, using a metal cane, encouraged a large pit bull to attack the man’s Chihuahua, killing it.

…

Police … charged her with second-degree assault and third-degree criminal mischief.

     I can’t help but wonder what the relationship was between this woman and the object of her fury, as I’ve had the same sort of thing happen by a couple of women I was never even with.

     Sometimes, however, I’ve had some pretty frightening post-relationship encounters with ex-girlfriends, too.  Those sorts of blow-ups usually result in my racking my brain trying to figure out what I did to deserve it.
     Fortunately, this video clarified the issue, and now I know exactly where I went wrong:

There are some things that you just expect when you are on a 3am-after-party-food expedition. Granted at 3am, choice are limited to few establishments.

After partaking in my fair share of cold brew and closing down Catscratch Jane’s on Wednesday night, the whole load of us decided food was in order as it was late & we were packing a cool buzz. Never mind that my ass had to get up at 7:00am to finish broccoli casserole. So, personally, I was in need of coffee.

Where else would ya go at 3am on Thanksgiving morning for a little sobriety effort? Why, Waffle House, of course.

We wandered in giggling and cackling about anything and everything. All it takes for me to get tickled is enough beer and somebody else starting to laugh. No shit, laughing & yawning are contagious around me.

We finally played musical chairs long enough, got seated and our waitress came over. She was obviously annoyed that she was working and she was obviously even more annoyed that she was dealing with us. If you have to work that shift, at least make an effort to enjoy it.

Whatevers. This poor chick had the personality of a wet-sweat-sock. She took 2 of our orders, not speaking between, just sort of grunting at whoever happened to be next.

Just as she grunted toward #3, her cellie rang. The fact that she had her cellie on her was no big deal. Even the fact that it rang while she was waiting on us was no really big deal even. But when the bitch cut me off mid-order to answer it, now that just pissed me off. Her side of the conversation went this-a-way.

“I gotta answer this.” She grunted as she lowered her head, still facing our table (presumably so her boss wouldn’t see).

“Hello? Who is this? Who is this?” She acted like she didn’t know who HE was.

“Who the hell is this, I’m at work and I have customers.” Why the hell would you tell somebody you don’t even know that you are currently at work and are waiting on them?

“Jesus, Robert. No, I’m not talking to anyone else.” She DID know his ass.

“How can I be cheating if I’m working?” Apparently, Robert didn’t have any faith that she was truly working. I guess that Waffle House distinct waffle and bacon smell being emitted by her apron wasn’t enough proof.

Taucha, my drunk monkey friend, decideds she wants to talk to Robert. So, the waitress obliges (and takes another little bit of our order). After only 2.7 minutes, Taucha hands her the phone back and says to our lovely server, “Lose him, girl. He’s a dick.”

Mario getting on the phone didn’t help. It made Robert believe that she really was in the cubicle of a bathroom bangin’ the customers.

We all figured Robert would show up waving a semi-automatic threatening to blow up the Waffle House and everyone in it because in his head he believes that his girl was fucking us all.

Get a grip, pal. Let the girl bring home the bacon in piece you loser.