[ Note: This is Diva’s first Monday Melee, published on 11-Jun-2007 ]

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.
I hate haters. I’m sarcastic and all, but I don’t really hate anyone. I just think some people are completely ignorant and should wear a cone-dork hat all the time.

But people who hate everybody and everything (generally for no reason at all) annoy me greatly. Two words: hater blockers. You can find them at your corner store, reasonably priced, of course.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
Until proven otherwise, the voice on my voice mail the other night was really an extremely good impression of a female voice. Had I not known better, I would have thought it was really a chick leaving me that message.

UPDATE:  Diva has found out that Diva is way off.  I should be whipped with a wet noodle for spreading such rumors without concrete proof.  I admit it.  I was wrong.   I’m sorry.  Forgive a Diva, won’tcha?

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
I am honestly unhappy with my daddy right now. I love him so much, I really do. And this may sound hateful, but I can’t help it.

He is drinking himself to death. No matter how much I love him, talk to him, beg him, get mad at him, ignore him, taxi him, and try to care for him… he just won’t knock it off. And I’ll be honest. I’m pissed about it. I’d like to have him around for a while. He’s not that old, but he’s diggin his own grave on drink at a time. If I was doing an asshat of the day post, he’s a prime target.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
I give that salesman at Lance Cunningham Ford credit for sucking my man into buying that damn truck after I had a tissy fit over it. Good for him.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
I may not have all the money in the world. I may not be able to give my kids all the crap that I’d like to give them. But I give them what’s really important. I love them.

So, I guess the answer is I’m a kick ass mama that would go through hell and high-water for her kiddies.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
I wish that all of the many parts of my life would come together, for one fleeting moment even, and I could have that happy, content feeling inside. Pretty damn big wish I suppose.

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

     I arrived at Bailey’s just after 6PM to find Doug McCaughan (of Reality Me!) pulling in at the same time with his son Tommy.   We entered to find Michael Silence (No Silence Here) and Mushy (Mushy’s Moochings and others).
     Over the next few minutes, Tish (The Kat House), Rich Halley (Shots Across the Bow), Les Jones (lesjones.com) and Lissa Kay (Oh… Really?) showed up.

     A little later, the last of us headed to Oak Ridge to see The Atomic Horns at the Eagle’s Club — featuring none other than Barry (Inn of the Last Home) on keyboards.  There aren’t many “full bands” around the area these days, and these guys & gals were really fun — a mixture of soul, rock, disco and funk from the previous thirty years.  The ode to the Blues Brothers was hilarious.  😉

     Here’s a photo of Tish from The Kat House and Mushy from Mushy’s Moochings, standing there side-by-side, as if they were a couple or something.

     Notably absent: Diva, who messaged me at 11:21PM to ask whether or not these people really existed.  LOL

     The arrival of warmer weather means many things to many different people.  No more snow.  Sunlight.  Trees.  Animals.  Flowers.  The removal of winter garb, in favor of more comfortable clothing, which may or may not reveal an indeterminate amount of flesh, people hiring theOmni, Heating and Air will be more common.  This is quite notable in the Female variety of our species.

     The fact that the majority of barstools are made of commercial-grade Vinyl can be especially problematic for Females who, due to weather, are beginning to wear shorter skirts.  Their supple skin, when subjected to temparatures above seventy degrees Farenheit and combined with an average body temparature of 98.6 Degrees, may experience a temporary chemical bond with said Vinyl.

     I would ask readers to please be aware of this issue.  Females should especially take note that a slightly longer skirt may decrease the risk of Vinyl-to-epidermal bonds.

     Men should not laugh as bonded barstools fall towards their Female counterparts.  Instead, Men should assist, ever-so-slightly, by putting their feet on the back of said barstools in order to assist the pulling of supple, Female skin from said commercial-grade Vinyl.

     Men should also pay close attention to the problem of vacuum-lock, which may occur between the Female thighs and a standard, commercial-grade barstool.  This problem may present itself with Females who are overly sexually active, or those who have very recently or chronically engaged in sexual intercourse.  These Females should generally be avoided at all costs.
     However, under certain, very specific specific circumstances, this may also be caused by a spontaneous reaction due to a Female’s interest in a chosen Male, although this behavior is considered to be especially rare in establishments which serve alcoholic beverages.

     This has been a Public Service Announcement.

     Saturday Night, 6PM.  Barley’s in the Old City.  Come on down!

     A few months ago, I was using a urinal in a public restroom, minding my business.  As I zipped and turned, some idiot, for reasons still unknown, swung a punch — and missed.  I quickly used the momentum of his failed blow to spin him and throw him down hard.  I held his face to floor for several minutes, all the while explaining the reason this was a bad idea.  Eventually, he said, “Uncle” and I pulled my knee from under his shoulder blade.
     With tears streaming down his face (which, considering his aggressive condition, may have been more to do with several minutes of close proximity to years of stale urine and industrial strength floor cleaner than actual pain), he proceeded to leave the establishment.
     Although he apologized to me and several other patrons for the trouble he’d caused, he did scream, “F#$* you all!  I’m never coming to this place again!” exactly one second before exiting the building.  This is expected behavior from an aggressive asshat.
     Apparently, said asshat had already caused a lot of problems.  Some of the regulars, who had observed the last portion of the short-lived melee, found the situation altogether hilarious.  It wasn’t long after that I was sitting at the bar (no one would find that shocking) drinking an on-the-House pitcher of beer.
     We laughed, discussed, and I was accepted as “part of the family.”  Eventually, the subject of our banter became “restroom etiquette.”

     Though we did not create this video (the fine folks at Zarathustra Studios did it, using The Sims 2, Sim City 4 and some other cool stuff), many of these same subjects were touched upon…