In the words of an average carnivore:

“Vegetables aren’t food. Vegetables are what food eats!”

Apparently, someone said, “F@#$ it, tomorrow’s Monday,” at WalMart tonight. Of course, I can also remember a time when I might have considered this “one stop shopping.”

At least it wasn’t a Terrorist Lobster who ran into the middle of the kitchen screaming, “Arthropodu ackbar!” while detonating an improvised explosive device… I really hate when that happens.

So last night, I’m craving a bag of Doritos. I picked up a small bag for $0.75 — expensive, no real value, but I had spare change. What do I find inside? Nine chips, lying at the very bottom of what appeared to be a very full bag. Not enough chips to make all ten fingers orange…

After all of this, my fortune said, “You have an interesting tool for success. Use it wisely.” I didn’t even have to add, “…in bed” to the end.