[ Note: This is Diva’s first Monday Melee, published on 11-Jun-2007 ]

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.
I hate haters. I’m sarcastic and all, but I don’t really hate anyone. I just think some people are completely ignorant and should wear a cone-dork hat all the time.

But people who hate everybody and everything (generally for no reason at all) annoy me greatly. Two words: hater blockers. You can find them at your corner store, reasonably priced, of course.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
Until proven otherwise, the voice on my voice mail the other night was really an extremely good impression of a female voice. Had I not known better, I would have thought it was really a chick leaving me that message.

UPDATE:  Diva has found out that Diva is way off.  I should be whipped with a wet noodle for spreading such rumors without concrete proof.  I admit it.  I was wrong.   I’m sorry.  Forgive a Diva, won’tcha?

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
I am honestly unhappy with my daddy right now. I love him so much, I really do. And this may sound hateful, but I can’t help it.

He is drinking himself to death. No matter how much I love him, talk to him, beg him, get mad at him, ignore him, taxi him, and try to care for him… he just won’t knock it off. And I’ll be honest. I’m pissed about it. I’d like to have him around for a while. He’s not that old, but he’s diggin his own grave on drink at a time. If I was doing an asshat of the day post, he’s a prime target.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
I give that salesman at Lance Cunningham Ford credit for sucking my man into buying that damn truck after I had a tissy fit over it. Good for him.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
I may not have all the money in the world. I may not be able to give my kids all the crap that I’d like to give them. But I give them what’s really important. I love them.

So, I guess the answer is I’m a kick ass mama that would go through hell and high-water for her kiddies.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
I wish that all of the many parts of my life would come together, for one fleeting moment even, and I could have that happy, content feeling inside. Pretty damn big wish I suppose.

Now it’s your turn.

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The way he wakes up, always with a smile on his face.

The way he calls out my name, and reaches for me to come hold him tight.

The way he follows me, like I’m the leader,  leading him somewhere important.

The way he holds my hand, together facing this big, scary world.

The way he tries to explain to me, the things that are important in his little universe.

The way he bats his eyes at me, because he knows it melts my heart.

The way he snuggles up against me, like I am the one who can keep him safe.

The way he leads me here and there, discovering together what lies in the back yard.

The way he sits on the front porch with me, drinking tea, and watching the trucks go by.

The way he looks at his plate and then at mine when we sit down to eat. How he decides that his plate is just not good enough, and he just has to share mine instead.

The way he laughs out loud, when I nuzzle him under his chin.

The way he looks up at me with his big eyes,  knowing he’ll find reassurance that it will all be just fine.

The way he rubs his eyes and crawls up in my lap when he’s sleepy, makes me feel as safe as he feels with me.

The way he acts like a big man when he’s only a tiny boy, but he must act like his Papa no matter what.

The way he has filled my life with a special joy and happiness like I’ve never known, tears my heart down to the basics and helps me realize what true love really is.

You can tell I’m a Nana.  My grandson Tyler is two years old today.  That little boy has taught me more about life and love than any other lesson I’ve ever had.

My friend Jane has been having serious relationship issues lately. Almost to the point that her head is turning all the way around like that possessed chick in The Exorcist.

After much thought (and actual research) on why relationships fail, I’ve come to the conclusion that the sister just needs to settle down, grow up and learn to deal with real life problems as they come at her.

Jane spent several days in a highly agitated state. Being around her as much as I am, I started to be concerned that something might be wrong in her relationship with the fella she’s supposed to marry soon. So, being a good friend, I asked.

She started explaining that for the most part, her relationship with Pete was awesome. They have alot in common (love of music, riding around with no real destination, talking about silly stuff, family values… you get the picture). She then went on to tell me that even though she knows he loves her and he does so much to show it by spoiling her rotten and giving her everything she could want, that there is something really important missing. Intimacy.

At first it appeared that she was troubled by the decrease in or lack of sex in their relationship. But after listening to her and thinking about what she had been saying, it was clear to me that it was more than her being horny and him ignoring it. There was something more to it.

In a relationship, there has to be a balance in every aspect of the relationship otherwise the whole world may seem like its coming to an end. Everything just has to be n’sync.

The emotional needs of both partners must be met by showing compassion and allowing the other to see into the heart of the partner.

The social needs of both partners must be met by doing things together. Whether taking a road trip, going out with friends or sitting on the front porch having social hour.

The intellectual needs must be met by discussions that run deep. As long as the two can discuss THEIR personal views together it doesn’t matter what the discussion is about. Communication is key in keeping each other interested.

Now, all of the above needs were being met for Jane. But the one need that threw the balance in Jane’s world out of sync was closing in for a kill in the relationship. So, she was naturally falling apart at the seams trying to figure out what to do. She couldn’t figure out why Pete was pushing her away when it came to her physical (sexual) needs.

I asked her if it was just lack of sex. As it turns out she just needs that intimate closeness. The hand on her leg when they are in the car. Getting naked and snuggling close with his arms wrapped around her, without the expectation of sex.

My suggestion to Jane was… talk about it. Make sure you both know what the problem(s) is/are. Many times there is a reason for said problem. Sometimes it takes some tears. Sometimes we have to say what we feel, even if it hurts.

Fact is, it takes work to maintain a relationship. It takes attention to detail in every aspect of that relationship to keep it going strong. If you can’t talk about what might be bothering you and you can’t talk it out, there might just be a bigger problem.

As for my friend Jane, she went to Pete and made sure that the lines of communication were wide open.  Hopefully, they can talk about whatever they have going on and get things on track.

That was the question.

I was blown completely in a direction that I had never even fathomed in fall of last year.
Like many kids my age, I have found myself all grown up, family raised, divorced and running completely wild. Kind of like turning 21 again, kinda.
I was pretty content with how life was going. My kids are grown up and I can come and go as I please.

Running around with the girls… you bet.
Acting extremely silly and pirate like… wouldn’t have had it any other way.

But, then it happened. My bestest friends introduced me to the man that would forever change my being. As fate would have it, things moved along rather rapido. And BAM – the question came…

Wanna get married? Of course, it was much sweeter than that. It was a very touching a precious moment. YEP! Let’s get married. GAME ON!
This happened last October.

The holidays went by smoothly and we were still getting to know each other pretty well.
I met his family. They seemed to like me. I passed the test.

Then it was set!! June 2nd. Invitations ordered. Cake ordered. Dress ordered. Church on hold. Preacher with a Bible. You name it, it was ordered. You get the picture.

But as days went by, I started to get scared. In typical Diva fashion, I flipped out, and decided that maybe we needed time to get our ducks in a row and everything ironed out both in our personal lives (kids and whatnot) and with our life together (roof over head, combining of households… ya know).

I put my entire wedding party in a holding pattern like a jumbo jet circling La Guardia during rush hour on Monday morning in Manhattan. I have never felt such pressure or such fear and I’ve had some pretty self-induced dramatic experiences in my life.

Everybody had some sort of input. A slight few of my closest friends were very understanding and supportive and just went happily into the holding pattern.
Others decided that it didn’t need to happen and actively gave opinions over and over.

You see, planning of the wedding ceremony was all set up and in place. But the cold feet I ended up being the proud owner of got the best of me. The wedding ceremony was the easy part. After it was all planned out and ready to go, I had time to stop and think. Which in this case, turned out to be a good thing.

I started to think about how different we are. How our views on alot of things are completely in the opposite. The way we treat and raise our kids is totally ass backward from one another.

One of the biggest fears I’ve got: becoming a wicked step-mother.
His son had always been nice to me, until the plans started to come together and it was apparent to him that this was really going to happen. Silently but surely, I knew he was sabotaging it. At least in my non-rational mind I’m sure he was.

But, I found out, when I started to keep my fella at arms length due to fear and wasn’t seeing half as much of him, just how important he is to me.

In the last week of my self-promoted hiding phase, I started to really ponder on all of the little things he does just to make me smile.
**The 100 mile-round-trips he makes in the middle of the week just to say hi and give me a kiss**
**Being serenaded in front of everyone by him and his bluegrass buddies as they sing “You are My Flower” because he wants me to know how much he loves me**
**Jumping in his big ol’ truck to ride around and do nothing but look and talk**

That man loves me. He’s not trying to tame me or make me into something I’m not. He takes my bitchy and ever-so-slightly sarcastic tone with a teaspoon of sugar and loves me anyway.

I finally got enough courage to talk to him.. To tell him I’m a freak and that I was scared of what was happening. You know, face-to-face verbal communication is way under-rated.
We both had answers to all the questions that were looming. We came to agreement on alot of subject matter.

So, I guess the answer to the above question is….

TO WED. Yes.

We have decided that a fall wedding is in order and that we are going to have a
most wonderful, beautiful ever after together.

Details to follow soon. I need to pull my wedding party in from the holding pattern and in for a landing before I go and shout from the roof-tops.

     Something Kevin said the other day —

Noticed in my stats today that one of the search phrases to get to the church was “I hate Mark Steel.” Look, you’re getting famous!

     — stuck with me, although as a humorous sidenote.  I loved it!

     I’ve also seen a sudden surge in Google searches for “i hate mark steel.”  I love that sort of thing.  I also saw several of the blogs from our blogroll in the top 30.  But, why all the hate?
     Alternatively, I decided to check out “i love mark steel,” to find that I’m actually ranked #26.  I hate that.  I didn’t see much familiar around there, either.  C’mon, where is the love, people?

     I mean, I’m not saying I’m the world’s smartest man or the greatest living American or anything like that… But I do have a reasonable amount of knowlege about how this stuff works.  😉

     This is all a joke to me, and this post is just a silly experiment.  I’ll post the outcome in a couple of days, as I think it might teach someone a little something about SEO…

     Besides, I’ve already labeled John Kerry as the World’s Smartest Man… albeit, sarcastically.  And the antidisestablishmentarian in me still believes Bill Gates is the greatest living American… 😉

[ UPDATE – 26-Apr-2007 @ 9:26PM EDT]

     THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about!  I moved up from #26 to #1 in less than 10 hours!  Now I’m #1 for “i love mark steel” and “i hate mark steel.”
     Now I feel balance!
     That’s SEO.  Thpft!