Ok.  If I’m nothing else, I’m completely honest and tend to let all my inhibitions fall to the ditch with my pals in our little blogging world.   Since only a few of you know me on a totally personal level, and have never seen my face, and could most likely not pick me out in a line-up… I don’t mind sharing my innermost thoughts with you… even if they are sometimes a little off. 

So, we were at Catscratch Jane’s, and Scotty reminded me that I was going on about how much of a hottie Toby Keith is.  Yes, it’s true.  I’d sop that boy up with a biscuit.

In the midst of a discussion about blogging a “Hottie of the Day” about Toby Keith, I (without thinking, of course) blurt out that, “I have had so many wet dreams about Toby Keith, I can not possibly do it justice”…

So…  I will not attempt to discuss why Toby is such a hottie, but will continue seeing him “Dream walkin and Pillow talkin”. 

I will recess now to the confines of my cold shower.

Peace.  Out.

My friend Jane has been having serious relationship issues lately. Almost to the point that her head is turning all the way around like that possessed chick in The Exorcist.

After much thought (and actual research) on why relationships fail, I’ve come to the conclusion that the sister just needs to settle down, grow up and learn to deal with real life problems as they come at her.

Jane spent several days in a highly agitated state. Being around her as much as I am, I started to be concerned that something might be wrong in her relationship with the fella she’s supposed to marry soon. So, being a good friend, I asked.

She started explaining that for the most part, her relationship with Pete was awesome. They have alot in common (love of music, riding around with no real destination, talking about silly stuff, family values… you get the picture). She then went on to tell me that even though she knows he loves her and he does so much to show it by spoiling her rotten and giving her everything she could want, that there is something really important missing. Intimacy.

At first it appeared that she was troubled by the decrease in or lack of sex in their relationship. But after listening to her and thinking about what she had been saying, it was clear to me that it was more than her being horny and him ignoring it. There was something more to it.

In a relationship, there has to be a balance in every aspect of the relationship otherwise the whole world may seem like its coming to an end. Everything just has to be n’sync.

The emotional needs of both partners must be met by showing compassion and allowing the other to see into the heart of the partner.

The social needs of both partners must be met by doing things together. Whether taking a road trip, going out with friends or sitting on the front porch having social hour.

The intellectual needs must be met by discussions that run deep. As long as the two can discuss THEIR personal views together it doesn’t matter what the discussion is about. Communication is key in keeping each other interested.

Now, all of the above needs were being met for Jane. But the one need that threw the balance in Jane’s world out of sync was closing in for a kill in the relationship. So, she was naturally falling apart at the seams trying to figure out what to do. She couldn’t figure out why Pete was pushing her away when it came to her physical (sexual) needs.

I asked her if it was just lack of sex. As it turns out she just needs that intimate closeness. The hand on her leg when they are in the car. Getting naked and snuggling close with his arms wrapped around her, without the expectation of sex.

My suggestion to Jane was… talk about it. Make sure you both know what the problem(s) is/are. Many times there is a reason for said problem. Sometimes it takes some tears. Sometimes we have to say what we feel, even if it hurts.

Fact is, it takes work to maintain a relationship. It takes attention to detail in every aspect of that relationship to keep it going strong. If you can’t talk about what might be bothering you and you can’t talk it out, there might just be a bigger problem.

As for my friend Jane, she went to Pete and made sure that the lines of communication were wide open.  Hopefully, they can talk about whatever they have going on and get things on track.

     I feel incredibly lucky that I’m not afraid of the opposite sex. I can talk to anyone, any time, for pretty much any reason. It comes naturally, having the gift of gab. And so, I will continue where Flirting 101 left off.

     Regardless of whether or not I mean to, or even mean anything by it, I flirt. Even when I’m not flirting, I still get accused of it.
     Of course, there are three very distinct degrees of flirting, and it’s very important to choose both your targets and your motivations carefully.

     First, there’s the Casual Flirt, who’ll flirt with most anyone, and doesn’t really mean anything by it. This is where most people start. Sometimes you do it to be friendly. Other times you’re establishing your presence in new surroundings. Sometimes, it’s nothing more than a casual ego-boost to have someone flirt back — however, this should never be confused with the Romantic Flirt (explained later).
     The Material Flirt has an agenda in mind — they want to sway the outcome of a given situation to their favor. This type of flirting can be used everywhere from trying to get a better deal on an order to trying to swaying a Jury in a courtroom. It’s also an exceptionally handy skill in Business.
     The Romantic Flirt has a more “personal” agenda in mind. They flirt with the object of their desire, attempting to gain favor for whatever means.

     Any person can be all of the above, so it’s important to keep your objective in mind. Is it general banter? A price break on an order? Or are you looking to hook up?

     Not having a clear objective is where many people screw up.

     The Romantic Flirt has even more pitfalls ahead. But you can mitigate these issues by remembering the Three R’s:

• Romp
• Relationship
• Run like Hell!

     Paying attention to the Three R’s will allow you time to get to know someone, and avoid potentially embarrassing situations.  Always keep those in mind!
     It should also go without saying that you should never flirt so much that you make an ass of yourself — hindsight is 20/20, and you may make a mistake that could end up haunting you for life.
     Next, always keep them guessing, and try not to be too overt about your motives — some things are better left to the imagination, and you’re less likely sound like an utter prick.
     Last, but certainly not least, don’t try to “seal the deal” too quickly. If you successfully flirt over a given period of time, you have an “in.” Be yourself, and you’re golden.

     Even with all of those things in mind, an experienced Romantic Flirt like myself may still run into the occasional problem — it happens to everyone!

     One night, for instance, after trying unsuccessfully to set a friend up with a cute blonde his age, I ended up making out with the object of his affections. She was pretty, very early twenties, tall and slender.
     I was smart in keeping things on a more platonic level, all public snogging at the table aside. It allowed me time, over the course of the following week, to realize that she had a rather serious drug problem.
     Using the Three R’s, I relegated her status to Run like Hell. Of course, being the kind and generous guy that I am, I did introduce her to someone else…
     (Sorry, Zacque. *snicker*)

     Sometimes, however, problems arise where even the Three R’s can’t help you. These issues will require you to completely change your flirting style. For instance…
     Mid-winter, around twelve years ago, I began talking with a woman at local Blues club. We exchanged telephone numbers, and agreed to meet the next night. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell what a body looks like under winter wraps, but she appeared to be quite curvy, which I love. She had a warm personality, beautiful eyes and an incredible smile.
     What I found out the next night, however, after she took off her coat, is that she was more muscular than I was. This is something I do not find attractive in the least, so I then reverted from Romantic Flirt to Casual Flirt and we’ve been friends ever since.
     I was very glad about the turn of events, as some time later, I witnessed her channel her rage by physically assaulting a soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend using incredible feats of strength that would get a “Hoo-ah!” out of the manliest of men … and wrestlers, too. I have not seen the guy in public since…

     These are common problems. However, I often hear much worse tales of those who are young and/or inexperienced enough to make even more fatal mistakes.

     To re-cap the Rules of Flirting:

1. Carefully choose who it is you’re trying to flirt with.
2. Keep your objective in mind.
3. Choose your flirting style:
   1. Casual Flirt
   2. Material Flirt
   3. Romantic Flirt
      1. Romp
      2. Relationship
      3. Run like Hell!

     Please review the following video as an example of what can happen when you break nearly every Rule of Flirting:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rLjVeQJ-n8

     Excluding the obvious issues, given this outline, it’s very easy to see where this young pup went wrong, isn’t it?

     Any questions?

Not only do I notice skanks and bimbos and man-whores, but I take the time to notice extremely sexy people too. You know, the sexy ones who make you stop for a second and say, “Thank you, God!”

Diva’s choice for HOTTIE OF THE DAY: CRISS ANGEL

My, my, my, my, my, my, my. Can somebody get me a glass of ice water and a set of handcuffs?

I had forgotten just how hot he is since we are currently in between seasons of MindFreak. But just last night, I saw a rerun from last season and it all came rushing back to me. Dang! He’s freakin hot!

I first started drooling over this man a couple years back when I saw him on the strip in Vegas. He was doing card tricks on the street. I didn’t realize who he was until I got home and a good little while later saw him on MindFreak.

In the beginning he was almost scary looking. So, what makes Criss Angel so hot now?

The magician gig. There is something about a mystic that is pure, unadulterated sexy. He is very passionate about his endeavors, which obviously makes Diva think that he would be very passionate in all aspects of his being *wink*.

The hair. He pulls off the long semi-80’s teased look like a pro. Not since Sebastian Bach has any man rocked 80’s mall hair.

The eyes. Mesmerizing. Deep eyes that you could get lost in and not want to find your way back. If you watch his show, you know that he has a dreamy quality going on with those eyes. I’m not 100% sure, but I don’t think it is safe to make direct eye contact with him. Might go into hottie shock.

The Abs. Um. Day-um, the six pack. Honestly, the man has the body of a Greek god. With all of the physical preparation and the black belt in karate, it’s no wonder.

Confidence. Although he wasn’t always totally hot, there is a certain self-confident quality about him without cresting that point of being completely stuck on himself.

The Tag Line is even sexy. “Are you ready?” Oh honey, am I.

I’ve decided after my boob job and the bleach, I’d like to have Criss Angel delivered to my door with a big red bow on his forehead. Better yet, he lives in Vegas; deliver me to him by same day service.

     I find Sasha Baron Cohen brilliant, a master-of-irony whose talents rival the twisted genius of Andy Kaufman.  As Ali G (a muslim ‘gangsta’ rapper), he caused tremendous controversy from unwitting participants on his English talk show.  As Bruno (an openly gay Austrian fashion correspondent), he’s repeatedly shaken up the industry and called out many a designer on their pompous, ridiculous notions.  And as Borat (a Kazakhstani reporter filming a documentary about the US — and A), he’s managed to piss off pretty much everyone from the Grand Ol’ South to the former Soviet bloc.

     But there is a great truth that everyone should know:

     Most Men find Borat hilarious.

     Most Women do not.

     For those burning up with Borat Fever (this means you, Zacque!  *grin*), some translation may be required:

     Men who make impersonation of reporter from glorious nation of Kazakhstan have great success in not make sexy time with girlfriend.  Is bad for you… High five!  Fortunate, there is help… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … Not.  Please to review following video, “Borat Sketch (PSA): Cultural Learnings for Make Unoriginal Douchebag Stop Do Impersonation.”

     For you Dave Chappelle wannabes out there … You are not Rick James, bitch!  Help will be coming for you soon…