His next statement was, “Back in our day, Vampires sucked blood…”

This was so abhorrent, I’ll just link to my Amazon Review:

First, I’ll put it succinctly:

WORST. TOILET PAPER. EVER.

Now, if you’re still reading, fine, I will expand that by saying, this totally usurps my previous “worst toilet paper ever!” review, which was Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight boxed set that I bought the woman I was happily married to for a short time. One star is too much for it! I’d give it NEGATIVE ONE BILLION STARS because it chaffed my ass worse than the John Wayne, “True Grit” toilet paper that I bought back in the 70’s.

For now, thanks to this product and the very stiffness of the paper, I have a multicolored hemorrhoid the size of large marble which requires hourly attention. From here on out, I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to experiment with any additional forms of toilet paper EVER AGAIN!

That’s right — from here on out, I’m sticking with Cottonelle!

Well deserved, like the review of the video.

Hat Tip: The now very happily-married-and-raising-a-famly, Laura Lee. Congrats, girl!

Of course, it’s also a known fact that if you allow boys to watch Twilight, they end up with more sparkling glitter than the average stripper…

Apparently, she’s more into bestiality than necrophilia…

I wonder who would win in a competition between American’s most popular single-expression cat and America’s most popular single-expression actress?