Agreed, Walmart can be a frightening place. But every time you see this, remember, that the person taking the photos & video was also there… and that they made a friggin’ Musical of it…

To be honest, I don’t think any Walmart — save the one in Winchester, KY, which is completely FUBAR — can hold a candle to 3AM at Knoxville’s aptly named Fellini Kroger.

OK – so I realize that I’ve been away for a while with no excuse but the call has been loud and clear so to all of my faithful readers, you can sleep easy now knowing that I’m back on the job.

So where did we leave off? I believe I was just starting to get in the swing of criticizing that douche-bag Newt Gingrich. Or was it that pointy nosed chicken looking wife of his? While I can guarantee it was the later, I can also guarantee that no one cares about those two.

So what should we care about? Well, today we should care about farting. And we should care about its effect on our relationships. And we should care about how farting is perceived in the bedroom. And we should help our partners understand how it isn’t our fault. And we should help our partners become desensitized to the effects of farting. So men! Hear my call! It’s time to rally!

For tonight … we fart. And we fart with pride. And we fart knowing that others too are farting. So go forth, eat those beans, eat that corn, chug that pork. And tonight, when the time is right, we will all pull the covers over our heads and share our masterful trumpeting and odoriferous flatulence with our wives, our girlfriends, our lovers!

Welcome to the inaugural ‘National Dutch Oven Day’!

Move Over Shake Weight: Now There’s Something Meatier!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df8GVX0LbC8

Given the opportunity, one of the things people find most perplexing about me is how much animals love me. Be it the angriest dog or the most shy housecat, or even wild animals such as deer or tigers, they show little fear and seek out my attention like I’m an old friend they’ve known for years. Unless they’re ferrets.

For whatever reason, as soon as I near one, even the most docile of ferrets will turn ferocious, seeking blood from the closest jugular vein they can attach themselves to, whether it belongs to me or the poor bastard holding them.

Ferrets are evil, and I know this. And I’m sure I’m not the only one…

Most people will agree that Richard Marx has been getting colonics since at least the 80’s… I’m just saying…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPI5ecQ1YTA