Not only do I notice skanks and bimbos and man-whores, but I take the time to notice extremely sexy people too. You know, the sexy ones who make you stop for a second and say, “Thank you, God!”

Diva’s choice for HOTTIE OF THE DAY: CRISS ANGEL

My, my, my, my, my, my, my. Can somebody get me a glass of ice water and a set of handcuffs?

I had forgotten just how hot he is since we are currently in between seasons of MindFreak. But just last night, I saw a rerun from last season and it all came rushing back to me. Dang! He’s freakin hot!

I first started drooling over this man a couple years back when I saw him on the strip in Vegas. He was doing card tricks on the street. I didn’t realize who he was until I got home and a good little while later saw him on MindFreak.

In the beginning he was almost scary looking. So, what makes Criss Angel so hot now?

The magician gig. There is something about a mystic that is pure, unadulterated sexy. He is very passionate about his endeavors, which obviously makes Diva think that he would be very passionate in all aspects of his being *wink*.

The hair. He pulls off the long semi-80’s teased look like a pro. Not since Sebastian Bach has any man rocked 80’s mall hair.

The eyes. Mesmerizing. Deep eyes that you could get lost in and not want to find your way back. If you watch his show, you know that he has a dreamy quality going on with those eyes. I’m not 100% sure, but I don’t think it is safe to make direct eye contact with him. Might go into hottie shock.

The Abs. Um. Day-um, the six pack. Honestly, the man has the body of a Greek god. With all of the physical preparation and the black belt in karate, it’s no wonder.

Confidence. Although he wasn’t always totally hot, there is a certain self-confident quality about him without cresting that point of being completely stuck on himself.

The Tag Line is even sexy. “Are you ready?” Oh honey, am I.

I’ve decided after my boob job and the bleach, I’d like to have Criss Angel delivered to my door with a big red bow on his forehead. Better yet, he lives in Vegas; deliver me to him by same day service.

In honor of the weeks to come I would like to offer a throwback to the days of yore, a visit to a political party that makes sense.  Well, okay, at least the didn’t go back on their promises.  The party I am talking about you ask?  Why its only the two term Pail and Shovel Party hailing from Madison, Wisconsin.

This party single handedly did away with the bickering of the Student Government about how much funding each group got by converting the entire budget into pennies.  They also brought Lady Liberty to Lake Mendota. 

So in the upcoming elections I would be on the look out for someone who at least comes through on their promises… I give my vote to Pail and Shovel.

     I find Sasha Baron Cohen brilliant, a master-of-irony whose talents rival the twisted genius of Andy Kaufman.  As Ali G (a muslim ‘gangsta’ rapper), he caused tremendous controversy from unwitting participants on his English talk show.  As Bruno (an openly gay Austrian fashion correspondent), he’s repeatedly shaken up the industry and called out many a designer on their pompous, ridiculous notions.  And as Borat (a Kazakhstani reporter filming a documentary about the US — and A), he’s managed to piss off pretty much everyone from the Grand Ol’ South to the former Soviet bloc.

     But there is a great truth that everyone should know:

     Most Men find Borat hilarious.

     Most Women do not.

     For those burning up with Borat Fever (this means you, Zacque!  *grin*), some translation may be required:

     Men who make impersonation of reporter from glorious nation of Kazakhstan have great success in not make sexy time with girlfriend.  Is bad for you… High five!  Fortunate, there is help… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … Not.  Please to review following video, “Borat Sketch (PSA): Cultural Learnings for Make Unoriginal Douchebag Stop Do Impersonation.”

     For you Dave Chappelle wannabes out there … You are not Rick James, bitch!  Help will be coming for you soon…

Dear Lord. Won’t it ever go away? What did we do to deserve more drama out of the Anna Nicole family?

Finally, Vergie Arthur *cringe* has quieted down. Finally, Howard K. Stern appears to have went in to relax mode. Nobody has tried to dig her up. There are no more wannabe daddies coming out of the woodwork. Seemed like the train wreck was just about cleaned up and we could all just go on with our lives……

Until 5 minutes ago.

Now it seems Anna’s freak step-sister, Donna Hogan, the author of the much acclaimed biography about Anna Nicole, Train Wreck, is gonna try to step into Anna’s life and live it. Chick is gonna get a new set of boobs and bleach her hair. She’s icky, and borderline scary.

Get this. She’s gonna get the new rack and go try to screw her way into Playboy… *cringe again*.

Wonder how long it’ll be before Howard K. moves in on her? At least she’s got the book profits… that dork doesn’t even have a job now.

For real, the last thing I want to hear on the news everyday is all the crazy shit this broad is gonna do to try and drum up some (apparently much needed) attention. Yup, I could live a thousand lives and be happy never to here any of this crap about Anna Nicole and her screwed up family/friends again.

On second thought, maybe I should start a cause….  Donations accepted for Diva’s boob job and other minor plastic surgeries in an effort to beat that freak skank to the punch.  We’ll call it the “Make Diva Famous Fund”.

Mark, you’re in charge of passin the collection plate, pal!

The names in this blog will be changed to protect the guilty, as my imagination can only run wild as I wonder to myself… WTF are those two talking about?

As heard in Catscratch Jane’s last night…

***Dude, now my breath smells like your girlfriend!***

Um. Where would I go from here? I sat there in the midst of the live “entertainment” which is ever present on Wednesday, my mind spinning, thinking to myself … EWWWW!

Do I even want to know what exactly that meant? Me thinks not.

Yup, yup. Hmm.  Is this one lame, or just plain scary?