After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy.
Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.
Orlando, FL (Via the Web) – The “Not Guilty” verdict handed down by a Florida jury against Casey Anthony, accused of murdering her two-year-old daughter, Caylee, came as quite a shock to everyone on July 5th, 2011. Judge Belvin Perry has repeatedly reprimanded her defense team over the last week as witnesses continued to use unintroduced evidentiary statements which set the entire process on the verge of mistrial.
Across the country, there was nothing but astonishment as the jury delivered their acquital. Across Social Media sites, there is an overwhelming sense that there is something tremendously wrong in our court systems. “Apparently you can kill your toddler, party for a month, and wait for your mother to report it to the police,” wrote one Twitter user.
Judge Belvin Perry already expects to see Casey Anthony back in court next week for her sentencing phase, as she was found guilty of giving false information to police, which can carry rather severe penalties. “In the interest of fairness,” quoted Perry, “I think it would be in everyone’s best interest to sentence Ms. Anthony to no less than 36 hours of Community Service providing child care to each of the jurors who found her innocent.”
I’ve walked around today in awe, making sure multiple times that my crotch wasn’t wet and that nothing was staining my pants. I finally asked, “Was there a Cosmo article that said women should stare at a man’s crotch and then flash a coy smile, or is it just me?”
