After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy.
Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.
Most of us have seen this type of Video Game before, especially the nostalgic incarnation where you shoot a monkey out of a cannon and attempt to get the best distance while arching through the air and bouncing back from the ground. However, this version, available now for a mere 240 points on Xbox Live Marketplace, uses your very own Xbox Live avatar, features stunning graphic imagery of an African svelte and includes the very real chance that your avatar may end up shoulders deep in an elephant’s ass!
As mentioned in my bio, I have a PsychoMagnet™ permanently implanted in my body. It’s not some cheaply made PsychoMagnet™ that merely attracts people who scream nonsense and drivel for no apparent reason. In fact, this is a top-of-the-line model that makes for some rather interesting situations on a daily basis, thanks in no small part to random strangers who are drawn in from all walks of life. It also has the added discomfort of giving me a positively terrifying dating life. Being a surprisingly laid back, go with the flow, kind of guy, this video helped clarify exactly where I’ve kept going wrong. [ Possibly NSFW ]
Yes, I admit, the thought of the rotating whir as the microwave heats up a ready-made frozen tray of less-than-nutritious, cardboard-flavoured food would make me want to kill myself, too. Fortunately, I know how to cook.
