It obvious to me that a bunch of trained monkeys devised the way we vote.  There is a certain about of space you must be away from the polling place to complain, compare, or contrast what exactly you are voting on.  You must be said distance away from the other constituent while they cast their ballots.  Last, but not least, you must stand in this bread line to vote for the asshole that you didn’t want to see in office anyway.  After all, your candidate didn’t have the staying power to go all the way.  He came, he went, and subsequently went to sleep, just like the dyke’s idea of a stereotypical man (which includes Hitlery, since you know with socialist ideas like that she has to be hung like a moose.)

By this same rationale the voting process is no better that the crappy politicians we flock to elect every chance we get.  Simply put we desire the change they promise.  Meanwhile they will never own up to the fact that they can’t change everything we would like.  Surely, we may be able to try and elect at the very least someone who won’t screw the country up too bad or try to appear electable for monetary gain.

With that said, I am starting to wonder if I should have just let go of my civic duty and stayed home, but I digress.

Every so often, there comes a time when something is just slightly irritating enough to be a tongue-punch in the old backdoor, Mind you not in the kinky variety of “ooh, please sir…  May I…  I need some more!”  Rather in the “Eww, gross!”  I feel weird when I am a propositioned by the seedy old man at the rest stop sort of way; yes, that is how I feel when people with the help of God still can’t seem to understand what I am saying.  For crying out loud, I speak the same English that they do.  It can’t be this difficult.

I specifically said to someone “I can’t do anything with those images, my lab won’t let me.”  However they still went on to tell me that I could indeed do so if I performed said mentioned set of magic tricks while holding an emasculated monkey doing the can-can on its head.  To which I said, “Perhaps you didn’t hear me correctly, I cannot do anything to those images.  The proprietary software won’t register the images as actually there if I do that.”

For a reason unannounced to anyone but the other person and God himself, (sorry for Hitlery supporters, but God has to be masculine as no woman would let the world get this far,) this person still demanded that I be able to make changes to the images anyways.  Oh well, I guess that will be the last time I try to ask a so-called colleague (who probably couldn’t photograph their way out of paper bag,) for an opinion about work in the same field.  They don’t spend any money on work you do for them anyhow.

It has come to my attention by way of massive amounts of subversive hinting — and some hints that were blatant — that I should share some knowledge in this area.  Mind you, this advice is only aimed at a choice few to include 90 percent of the clueless dating population: men or boys as the case may be from the ages of 18-65; Women from the ages of 18-50; and anyone else who just can’t seem to get their luck up. However, for men, it shouldn’t take that long, there’s a lot of website like girlfriendactivationsystemreview.net which guide you step by step how to win woman’s heart. (On the off chance, you go to church on a regular basis; the previous statement should be “laid” instead of luck.)

Rule number 1:  Remember to reference the dating blogs. Pay special attention to Flirting 101, Flirting 102, and Flirting 103.  If you are like me, do a search for dating through that lovely search bar in the right corner of the screen.  The ones that reference dating in a more depressing light are there for a reason, too.  After all, “a step is a stumble forward, prevented from becoming a fall by taking another step” –Barton Green.

2.  Listen to your best friends.  Deep down, whether you choose to see it or not, they really do have your best interests at heart.

3.  Listen to your best friends.  They can also be a viable judge of character when your judgment clouds. Therefore, this point gets two spots instead of one.

4.  Pay yourself first; never jump in to a relationship where you cannot gain something.  However, with that said you should always be willing to give in order to receive.

5.  Cleanliness is next to Godliness.  Without roots there can be no foundation, if you are trying to sell yourself to someone else you must present your best self.

6.  Treat anyone and everyone with respect.  If you do not respect the person or persons you are trying to court, how can you expect them to treat you any different?

7.  Be patient.  If you are just like your horoscope tells you to be, good things happen to those who wait.

8.  Don’t be afraid to make the first move.  Other people do not know what you are thinking; they are not mind readers.  For the same reason, do not take it too far.  If you ask for dinner, pay for it and have dinner.  More can, and most likely will, come later. 😉

9.  Talk and speak your mind.  If you just get down to business, it is nothing but a one-night stand.  You have to figure out who the other person is and whether or not you are compatible (i.e.: can you live with one another in your lives?).

10.  Keep business and pleasure as simply that.  Then, if one or the other goes awry, you still have some sort of relationship you can salvage.

With this advice, you are now ready to embark back into the dating society of intellectual beings, no matter what their leanings may be in either the bedroom or the political arena.  As there will be further additions to this post, do not forget to keep posted.

God bless, good night, and good luck.

Life is short…

So what am I supposed to do about it?

I think the answer can simply be summed up as: live happy, live right, and it will be easy to live your conscience.  Don’t let yourself get stressed out, it’s not worth the effort or the time it takes to do it. 

Praise your sons and daughters, friends and family, co-workers and bosses, when they do something well. If they go against the grain and they do poorly,  don’t be afraid to point out where they made a mistake. In the same token, don’t chastise them while you do it.  They are people too…

I know this is a little hippy for me but life is too short to stay mad and unhappy.  Joke them if they can’t take a…

In our lovely world of the internets, full of mountains and mountains of pornography, it is nice to see that some still have a sense of humor.  Today, when children are having children or people have them out of wedlock (thanks Mark), and I have to work to support them,  I am glad to see that the condom has not gone out of style and is versatile and can be used for many things as shown in the following video.

(tip: thanks to B.J. Hitchcock for the clip.)

And just in case you weren’t convinced to use a condom or some other method of birth control before…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWkZ_StRjU0

Now with your help, we can be one step closer to a balanced budget!