Got the t-shirt. Of course, it being two sizes too large was a dead giveaway.

I’ve walked around today in awe, making sure multiple times that my crotch wasn’t wet and that nothing was staining my pants.  I finally asked, “Was there a Cosmo article that said women should stare at a man’s crotch and then flash a coy smile, or is it just me?”

Apparently, it’s just me.

Unlike this poor bastard…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfRSQWrcMPk

Via.

Onion Investigative Stalk… umm… Reporter Gavin Fisher attempts to understand whether he should give his waitress a large tip or the entire shaft.

Via.

If you’re offended, not to worry. He does explain Men towards the end. Not safe for work due to language. Also not safe for mixed crowds or longstanding, harmonious relationships.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_jOkNtdHJk

Oh, no, not that kind of game. I meant your Xbox 360 game. Yes, a new service called GameCrush allows socially inept video game junkies to play Halo and Modern Warfare 2 with “hot chicks” for around $1 per minute.

It is worth noting, however, that the best way to actually meet “hot chicks” is to turn off the Xbox, put down the Hot Pockets™, leave the basement, get some fresh air . . . perhaps a tan . . . *cough*