Nothing screams “sexy beast!” like a bottle of Grey Goose, a pull-out couch and a framed (bad) pickup line done in needlepoint by your grandchild-craving mother.

It’s also great to clean the white spots from your bathroom mirror so you can take more embarrassing, drunken selfies.

The first step in every 12-step program should be, “Put down the keyboard.”

I should have slept in ’til noon on this, the most Monday of Mondays.

The same could be said to Justin Bieber…