Weird Al Yankovic’s been walking that line for years, eh?

     Oh, and a Red Hot Chili Peppers Medley…

     So, uhh, why all the Weird Al?  I needed some competent stupidity to offset all the incompetent stupidity of attempting to do a planned 3AM server migration — a process which failed miserably due to the buggy software platform everything was running on.
     But past that… Laughter keeps from me from killing beating the crap out of firing verbally abusing a few Developers… well, too badly anyway… heh

     Apparently, Ashwin Khanna, the illustrious “Win $2500 for posting about my blog!”, is well on his way to being labeled “notorious.”

     Ashwin, henceforth known as “Asswin,” is nothing more than an 18-year-old, aspiring scam artist from London who seems to think it’s okay to use bullshit tactics to improve his search engine ranking … much like our last Asshat of the Day recipient, Steve Gallay, who used everyone who participated in a “Win $50!” contest to improve his search engine ranking by posting very little information about a missing child with links to his homepage instead of to an informative artcle.

What Serr8d said about Gallay applies perfectly to Asswin Khanna, as well:

…he’s definitely a royal flush of an asshat…

Just to let you know, Asswin, you’re only 18 and have an entire life of fraud ahead of you.  Nice to know you’ve started out so well!  I mean, what’s next?  Impossible-to-win footy boards?  A small pawn-and-loan-slash-fencing-operation here in Barnet?  Maybe a few billion e-mails asking for assistance in helping you get the money out of the bank account of a dead relative?
Seriously, Asshat, what you’ve done is Fraud, plain and simple.  I hope someone takes a whiz in your Shreddies with video identifcations security.

Tips: Contest Blogger, My New Hustle, Fracas

There is a tasty little Chinese Food place here in Oak Ridge that does take out from the buffet.  It’s very good; it’s always fresh, and super-dooper tasty! (Not to mention they always score well when the pesky healthy inspector happens to drop in unannounced).

Now our office has been in Oak Ridge for a many moons and my boss and I have traveled many miles, many times to partake of this sweet and sour plethora of tastiness.

They have garlic beef w/broccoli, sweet n sour chicken, general tsao chicken, and my personal favorite – mixed spicy vegetable. 

I go so often that when I walk in the door, the little dude says, “Ahh.  To go, right?”, and hands me my little environment-killing-Styrofoam container with which I am set free into the pasture of goodness.

I’ll graze for a few minutes, making my choices wisely.  I wander over to the sauces and get a nice ladle full of that hot-ass mustard (yah, that stuff that when you get it in your mouth it makes your eyes water and your nose run… that stuff that makes you beg Jesus for forgiveness for eating something so friggin hot).

All sounds like a beautiful lunchtime excursion in the making, yah?  Well, no.  I love the food at this place.  It’s marvy, but the folks that run the place and work there make me more nervous than a cat in a room full of rockin chairs…

So, my selections are made, my mouth starting to water. I close up my little lunch box that still has steam pouring out the sides.  I carry it to the front, so as to pay for it.   Let the uncomfortable state of affairs begin. 

FLASHBACK…

Now I don’t know if I’m just traumatized from being married to a man who’s mother and all of her friends are Korean and you know they talk about you in their language while you’re standing there… All the while they are looking at you, nodding their heads, laughing and smiling as the chatter on…   Bring on the cold sweat… I know those bitches were talking smack and plotting my untimely demise by way of extra spicy food.

Anyway… I am going towards the front to obtain my chopsticks, Diet Pepsi to go and to pay.  When I notice the gaggle of them standing there… looking my way…. giggling like school girls…    The skank at the cash register keeps covering her mouth and saying “sorry, sorry.”

Now the next phase of pissing me off at the tastiest place in Oak Ridge is as follows:

Don’t you expect to get a friggin fortune cookie when you have Chinese food?  I mean, you eat in, they bring you the bill with a fortune cookie.  You call for take-out, you go pick up and pay, in the bag you get your fortune cookie.

Well, not here. I think it’s just this guy’s way to annoy me.  A kind of battle of the wits.  He ain’t giving me no fortune cookie unless I ask for the fortune cookie.  And even then, it’s iffy if the fucker puts it in the bag. 

I’d start screaming to give me my fortune cookie or I’m going across the street to Wok ‘n’ Roll.  But those guys suck big balls and I hate their food, generally greasy as hell and cold…. but they give Diva her fortune cookie without her having to beg.

“When spies get fired, they don’t get a letter from human resources. They get BURNED… “

Now I’m not so sure about getting burned, but Jeffrey Donovan as Michael on BURN NOTICE give me hot sweats.   I’m honestly not sure what it is about dearest Jeffrey that does it for me.  Maybe its that smile.  Maybe it’s his insatiable wit.  Maybe it’s his handling of Fiona (romantic interest on the show). 

Maybe it’s the fact that he is shirtless a lot of the time…

Whatever it is, he DOES do it for me.

Here’s to you Jeffrey.  You make me weak in the knees, my friend.

Good God, I need another cold shower…

     Since Diva hasn’t done a Hottie of the Day/Week/Moment post in a while, I thought I’d take a stab at it…

     Admit it… You know The Bangles song, “Walk Like an Egyptian.”  And if you were male, you have to admit that when you saw the video, you went, “Oh, man, she is hot!”

     Now, I’m sort of a connoisseur of beautiful women.  I see beautiful women everywhere.  I have interesting conversations with beautiful women.  I have fun with beautiful women.  I date beautiful women.  I even marry some of them.
     I have a quirky sense of “beauty,” tho.  I tend to see women four dimensionally… I can look at how they look now, pick them out of the crowd in their elementary school photos, and know what they’ll look like as they get older…
     It’s a neat party trick, and it’s always surprising to see someone who’s gorgeous from day one to day zero… Most people go through the ugly duckling phase at least once in their lives.

     As for this particular 5’2″ hottie, here we are some twenty-one years later, and yep, she could still start a fire… at an incredibly young 48.
     Yep… for real!
     The sultry siren turned 48 in January… And if that’s not worthy of recognition, I dunno what is… 😉

     But, I have to admit… That music still makes me throw up in my mouth a little…

Photo 1 courtesy of VH1.
Photo 2 23-Oct-2006 by Jessee Grant, Copyright © WireImage.com.