In honor of the weeks to come I would like to offer a throwback to the days of yore, a visit to a political party that makes sense. Well, okay, at least the didn’t go back on their promises. The party I am talking about you ask? Why its only the two term Pail and Shovel Party hailing from Madison, Wisconsin.
This party single handedly did away with the bickering of the Student Government about how much funding each group got by converting the entire budget into pennies. They also brought Lady Liberty to Lake Mendota.
So in the upcoming elections I would be on the look out for someone who at least comes through on their promises… I give my vote to Pail and Shovel.
I find Sasha Baron Cohen brilliant, a master-of-irony whose talents rival the twisted genius of Andy Kaufman. As Ali G (a muslim ‘gangsta’ rapper), he caused tremendous controversy from unwitting participants on his English talk show. As Bruno (an openly gay Austrian fashion correspondent), he’s repeatedly shaken up the industry and called out many a designer on their pompous, ridiculous notions. And as Borat (a Kazakhstani reporter filming a documentary about the US — and A), he’s managed to piss off pretty much everyone from the Grand Ol’ South to the former Soviet bloc.
But there is a great truth that everyone should know:
Most Men find Borat hilarious.
Most Women do not.
For those burning up with Borat Fever (this means you, Zacque! *grin*), some translation may be required:
Men who make impersonation of reporter from glorious nation of Kazakhstan have great success in not make sexy time with girlfriend. Is bad for you… High five! Fortunate, there is help… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … Not. Please to review following video, “Borat Sketch (PSA): Cultural Learnings for Make Unoriginal Douchebag Stop Do Impersonation.”
For you Dave Chappelle wannabes out there … You are not Rick James, bitch! Help will be coming for you soon…
Dear Lord. Won’t it ever go away? What did we do to deserve more drama out of the Anna Nicole family?
Finally, Vergie Arthur *cringe* has quieted down. Finally, Howard K. Stern appears to have went in to relax mode. Nobody has tried to dig her up. There are no more wannabe daddies coming out of the woodwork. Seemed like the train wreck was just about cleaned up and we could all just go on with our lives……
Until 5 minutes ago.
Now it seems Anna’s freak step-sister, Donna Hogan, the author of the much acclaimed biography about Anna Nicole, Train Wreck, is gonna try to step into Anna’s life and live it. Chick is gonna get a new set of boobs and bleach her hair. She’s icky, and borderline scary.
Get this. She’s gonna get the new rack and go try to screw her way into Playboy… *cringe again*.
Wonder how long it’ll be before Howard K. moves in on her? At least she’s got the book profits… that dork doesn’t even have a job now.
For real, the last thing I want to hear on the news everyday is all the crazy shit this broad is gonna do to try and drum up some (apparently much needed) attention. Yup, I could live a thousand lives and be happy never to here any of this crap about Anna Nicole and her screwed up family/friends again.
On second thought, maybe I should start a cause…. Donations accepted for Diva’s boob job and other minor plastic surgeries in an effort to beat that freak skank to the punch. We’ll call it the “Make Diva Famous Fund”.
Mark, you’re in charge of passin the collection plate, pal!
The names in this blog will be changed to protect the guilty, as my imagination can only run wild as I wonder to myself… WTF are those two talking about?
As heard in Catscratch Jane’s last night…
***Dude, now my breath smells like your girlfriend!***
Um. Where would I go from here? I sat there in the midst of the live “entertainment” which is ever present on Wednesday, my mind spinning, thinking to myself … EWWWW!
Do I even want to know what exactly that meant? Me thinks not.
Yup, yup. Hmm. Is this one lame, or just plain scary?
The arrival of warmer weather means many things to many different people. No more snow. Sunlight. Trees. Animals. Flowers. The removal of winter garb, in favor of more comfortable clothing, which may or may not reveal an indeterminate amount of flesh, people hiring theOmni, Heating and Air will be more common. This is quite notable in the Female variety of our species.
The fact that the majority of barstools are made of commercial-grade Vinyl can be especially problematic for Females who, due to weather, are beginning to wear shorter skirts. Their supple skin, when subjected to temparatures above seventy degrees Farenheit and combined with an average body temparature of 98.6 Degrees, may experience a temporary chemical bond with said Vinyl.
I would ask readers to please be aware of this issue. Females should especially take note that a slightly longer skirt may decrease the risk of Vinyl-to-epidermal bonds.
Men should not laugh as bonded barstools fall towards their Female counterparts. Instead, Men should assist, ever-so-slightly, by putting their feet on the back of said barstools in order to assist the pulling of supple, Female skin from said commercial-grade Vinyl.
Men should also pay close attention to the problem of vacuum-lock, which may occur between the Female thighs and a standard, commercial-grade barstool. This problem may present itself with Females who are overly sexually active, or those who have very recently or chronically engaged in sexual intercourse. These Females should generally be avoided at all costs.
However, under certain, very specific specific circumstances, this may also be caused by a spontaneous reaction due to a Female’s interest in a chosen Male, although this behavior is considered to be especially rare in establishments which serve alcoholic beverages.
In honor of the weeks to come I would like to offer a throwback to the days of yore, a visit to a political party that makes sense. Well, okay, at least the didn’t go back on their promises. The party I am talking about you ask? Why its only the two term Pail and Shovel Party hailing from Madison, Wisconsin.
