Okay. By now, we all know I am a big mouth girl, with an even bigger personality and a colossus opinion about most everything. So, it seems that lately, I’ve had plenty of time to sit back, watch and listen. And some of the things I have heard recently make me want to say, “Um. What?!?!?! Get a grip, you ditz!” This is merely one of them.

***You don’t like me because I’m fat, huh?***

During a discussion about male/female carrying ons, a male friend of mine, Spike*, told me that some girl had said this one to him because he wasn’t paying her the attention she felt like she deserved or wanted.

Oh, please, honey!

Will somebody please explain to me how women figure that if a man is not paying attention to them, or not “liking” them, or not fawning over them, then it’s surely because of that big ass attached to their backside???

First off, I wonder if she ever stopped to think, if a brother isn’t giving her skins, that maybe it’s not her fat butt… maybe it’s the beautiful personality that she displays constantly… You know, the personality that rivals Peyton Manning’s dripping wet sweat sock midway through the 4th quarter of the Superbowl?

B- What man is going to want you when you are oozing ickee-ness all over the bar, grocery store, or library by hitting on and trying to make out with anything and everything with a penis? Seriously, if I was a dude, and I saw a girl (any girl) hitting on one guy, getting the boot, then hitting on the next guy, getting the boot, then hitting on the next guy, getting the boot… I’m not so sure I’d be into her either. That’s just icky.

Thirdly and lastly (as if I don’t wrap it up here, I may keep going on and on)- Diva isn’t exactly a petite, Barbie doll sized girl of perfection.  Now Diva knows that, although men do dig up on the arm candy, they also love women who will laugh with them, talk to them and have a great time doing whatever it is they are doing. Diva does not, nor has she ever, suffered from lack of attention from the opposite sex. Because regardless of the size of her blue jeans, Diva has no lack of esteem.

Why?

It’s a little thing called self-confidence, sister. You might try looking that one up and studying on it for a minute.

Yup, yup. You don’t dig me because I’m fat…..That’s one of the lamest things I think I’ve ever heard.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent AND the guilty.

     Ok, language, sexual situations, and generally disgusting…

     But uhh … yeah …

     This is exactly why Internet Dating sucks.

     Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words…

     And in case see it and think, “No way! Someone’s been messing with the sign!” the Spanish Translation on the other side would prove otherwise…

     Sometimes modern translations can be a little … ummm … too modern.  😉  Before anyone drives to Memphis to rip Pastor Whalum a new donkey-hole,  check out this bit from the KJV:

Mat 21:1 And when they drew nigh unto Jerusalem, and were come to Bethphage, unto the mount of Olives, then sent Jesus two disciples,

Mat 21:2 Saying unto them, Go into the village over against you, and straightway ye shall find an ass tied, and a colt with her: loose them, and bring them unto me.

     See?  It was innocent afterall … but good for a laugh, anyway.  😉

Photo Credit: Chris Davis of the Memphis Flyer. Good stuff, guys!

     Ok, is this “pussy” thing getting old yet?

     Everyone’s probably seen these sorts of things before, but this one’s an ode to a great site, icanhascheezburger.com, the canonical list of LOLCATS and other animals who are “IN UR COMPUTER STEALIN’ UR INTERNETS!”  It’s also to draw attention to the fact that some asshat decided to steal some of those photos and sell them as Merchandise over on Cafepress… pathetic… good thing they shut him down.

     Anyway … I gotta say it one last time …

     Check out this pussy …

     Yes, I took the photo last year, and just finished messing it up.  So there.  Mine.  Mine!  😉

     Monty’s “Summer Vacation Spots” made me wonder…

     How far is Pussy from Knoxville?

     According to Google Maps, it’s only 49 steps away.

     However, Orgy is a mere 34 steps away.

     Given the fact that Pussy is 15 steps further away than Orgy, Orgy may not be very fun for me…

     Regardless … Pay particular attention to Step #18.  Click on it.  😉

     According to Glenn, “it will actually show you the pier to jump off of.”

     Seriously, click Step #18.  After doing that for that long, I doubt even Pussy would entice me…

Tip: Thanks, Glenn