Archive for December, 2008

The Following Can Go Fuck Themselves Today…

December 31st, 2008 at 11:59 am by Glenn
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The Following Can Go Fuck Themselves Today:

  • The ugly loud girl at Starbucks who was too busy being ugly and loud instead of properly putting together an order of a decaf coffe and a mocha.
  • The guy at Starbucks who decided it was a good idea to remove melon — yeah I said it… MELON — flavoring for my damn morning green tea.
  • Whoever the idiot at Arm and Hammer was who decided to add some element to their laundry detergent that makes my butt, crotch, and armpits itch.  You truly suck sir.
  • The idiot in charge of the interface for sharing usb drives within OSX.
  • The fuckhead who installed my desk 3 inches too low.  Shit.  That was me.
  • Sun Microsystems for that piece of shit application Open Office that sems to crash more often than it allows me to change a default font.
  • The grand idiot, Mark Steel, at for giving *me* of all people a damn account.  Pendejo.
  • Motley Crue for “Home Sweet Home”.

… And I only got to work an hour ago.  This is going to be the best day ever!

Happy New Year!


It Always Starts Innocently Enough

December 29th, 2008 at 10:42 pm by Mark
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     “Hey, you should come over Wednesday night.  Plenty of food!”
     “So, what, you’re havin’ a party?”
     “Well, I hadn’t thought of it like that, but lots of food, a few friends, drinks…”

     Yeah, I remember those days… I’ll bet Mr. McCaughan does, too…

     Just a “few friends,” indeed…

     Then the next morning, you’re trying to figure out who shat in the cat’s litter box and why all the deck furniture from Ivy and Wilde is in the trees.  The VW Microbus sitting in the den can never be easily explained.

     Exasperated due to many futile attempts, I’d usually just scream, “Those damn raccoons!”

     I mean, what the hell was I supposed to say?

     It’s not like anyone ever actually believed me when it was so clearly the work of Sebastian Cabot and his evil horde of winged monkies…

     Damn evil hordes of winged monkies!

Stock Photos

Smell the Holidays

December 22nd, 2008 at 5:51 pm by Mark
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     I had work to do today, run a bunch of errands, and do some laundry.

     Everywhere I went had the foul odor of baby poop.

     It actually gave me a complex.

     I checked my shoes.  And my ass. 

     It wasn’t me. 

     Why do parents take their children out like that, for all day shopping sprees, and never have the decency to change a diaper? 

     Sorry to all you on-the-go mothers out there, but I really don’t feel like smelling your kid’s poop… You had six months to do Holiday shopping (they started it in July this year for f@#$sakes!) and the rest of us having to put up with your Holiday Poo-Fest is even more rude than having to put up with your Demolition Derby tactics in the parking lot and Shopping Cart Homicide at the checkouts…

     You’ve even managed to put me off my hummus…

     Of course, I can’t say much about the fathers, either.  I’ve never seen so many kids on leashes… Like that’s not going to turn them totally kinky when they hit their mid-40’s…

     And what the f@#$ are you people taking your kids shopping for, anyway?  “You can’t have it til Christmas” is considered cruel and unusual punishment in many areas.  So for a week before Christmas, they’re bursting with excitement, and know exactly what they’re going to get…

     Great, ruin the element of surprise and create severe agitation all at once!  They’ll be book-phobic, cheating at video games and popping ritalin like candy before you know it!

     Yeah, Happy F@#$ing Holidays, you bastards!

Breaking the Silence

December 17th, 2008 at 12:03 am by Mark
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     Queenryche’s “Operation: Mindcrime” album still sticks out in mind as one of the best overall albums ever.  It’s a Rock opera which really shows off the band’s versatility.

     And sometimes, lyrics strike a chord…


Beating the Holiday Blues

December 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pm by Zacque
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     A majority of people understand what the “Holiday Blues” is all about.  You lose your job, lose loved ones and are out of money entirely these are just some of the causes.  You don’t necessarily have to be subject to all of these factors,  just one is enough.  That’s when it hit me, I should write a post with ways to avoid the “Holiday Blues.”   After all, laughter is the best medicine…

Example 1:  Christmas in a Beer Joint

    Just in case you suffer from the “holiday blues” from your own lack of ability to purchase Christmas gifts, (you lucky bastard), I suggest you take this advice from Bob and Doug Mackenzie.

Example 2: Bob and Doug Mackenzie

    In other words laugh your butt off this Christmas,  it sure as hell beats being depressed!