After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy.
Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.
March 10th, 2014 at 7:30 pm by Mark
Tags: carly simon, harassment, irony, most interesting man, vanity
Hey, hear that song? I think Carly Simon’s ironically pointing her finger at someone…
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March 10th, 2014 at 5:15 pm by Mark
Tags: asshats, brains, harassment, poop
“Seriously, if I wanted any shit from you, I’d squeeze your head.”
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March 7th, 2014 at 5:21 pm by Mark
Tags: buses, funny signs, inflation, mass transit, sexual assault
It certainly feels like it rape when you consider what public transportation costs these days…
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March 6th, 2014 at 9:37 pm by Mark
Tags: burn, cats, dating, facebook, firefighters, getting older, sarcasm, single
It’s no secret that on Facebook, I’ll often respond with a smart-ass photo comment. Unfortunately, I can’t take credit for this one. I did, however, send the original poster a congratulatory high-five, and a bill for the keyboard which was ruined due to the coffee I spewed after seeing his sarcastic reply.
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March 5th, 2014 at 7:29 pm by Mark
Tags: condoms, contraception, diseases, irony, sex, std, teenagers
Sure, go ahead. Protect what’s totally replaceable rather than protecting the rest of your life. Totally makes sense…
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