Dating is a pain in the ass even if you’re *not* an evil, Dark Lord of the Sith.

This is the type of guy to try and, “rearrange the alphabet to put U and I together.” She wouldn’t, because “N and O are already together.”

     “I don’t like analysts,” she said.
     “I’m a Systems Analyst, not a behavioral analyst,” I replied.
     “Good,” she replied, sounding relieved. “Because the last guy I went out with put the ‘the’ in psychotherapist.”

Nothing screams “sexy beast!” like a bottle of Grey Goose, a pull-out couch and a framed (bad) pickup line done in needlepoint by your grandchild-craving mother.

This one goes really great with other lines like, “Car? No, but I’d be happy to give you a ride!” and “Hey, baby! Wanna make a few extra bucks?”