For those poor souls with hangovers today from all the green beer you drank last night? You can’t trade Tuesday for Thursday, either.

Yesterday a kid walked up to me in a restaurant and asked if he could “borrow” my money. I said, “No go ask your daddy.” I wanted to see what man he went to and punch him in the face but the kid walked all over the restaurant like he had no parents. It’s hard to blame the kids.

Mine’s still bigger than yours. And it didn’t require implants.

Funny when women do it we call it “driving a stick” …

It’s so much easier to just hang up the phone.